


Someday

by TheShortestManOnEarth



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Car Accidents, Jam Bud Week 2020, PTSD, Some graphic descriptions of injuries, Therapy, Trauma, drive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23164675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShortestManOnEarth/pseuds/TheShortestManOnEarth
Summary: When a car accident strands Steven with a cracked gem and severe injuries, he tries to remember all the things he wanted from his life and what is truly "normal" for a half gem/half human.What is it that makes someone human? Gem?This will be a multiple chapter fic set a few months post SUF "Growing Pains." Inspired by the "Drive" prompt for Jam Buds Week 2020.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Doug Maheswaran, Connie Maheswaran & Priyanka Maheswaran, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe
Comments: 31
Kudos: 182





	1. Impact

**Author's Note:**

> Hey All!
> 
> This is my first SU fic, so I hope you like it. I've been kicking around some SU ideas in my head for a while now and with the show ending soon, I wanted to throw my hat into the ring. 
> 
> This fic contains depictions of graphic injuries, though it will not exceed teen rating. It also contains mentions of trauma, PTSD, and flashbacks that Steven has in following with "Growing Pains". This is is kind of a replacement for whatever might have happened with canon, but I'm not 100% decided on that. 
> 
> It starts out pretty intense and dark, but I do plan to work up to Steven getting some therapy towards the end. So please take care of yourselves and let me know if you need me to add TW/CWs. 
> 
> This is also pretty rough, so I may go back and make changes at some point. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Between the creaking and groaning of the twisted metal and the ringing in his ears, Steven had a hard time focusing on where he was. He blinked multiple times, attempting to clear some moisture from his eyes. Something was dripping into them. He shifted slightly to move his arms up to brush whatever was on his face, but he winced as a wave of a pain shot up his body. He flicked his gaze down to his body. His shirt was in tatters, rips, tears, and holes from the impact and shattered glass had torn it to shreds. Steven once again tried to free his left arm, but it continued to cause sharp pain no matter how much he moved it. He couldn’t move his head enough to get a clear view of what was wrong with it, but he could guess it was broken. 

He sighed. If he was in pain, then his bubble hadn’t worked. His eyes shot wide open at the thought. He craned his neck as much as possible to look at his gem. The normally shiny pink surface was cracked, and pieces were missing, likely strewn about the wrecked car. 

What had happened? He struggled to focus on the events leading up the crash. He’d been driving home from someplace. His head throbbed, making recall even harder. He leaned back against the seat. The gem was cracked, but maybe he could still heal himself enough to try to get out of the car. Steven lifted his right hand and licked his palm. He then pressed it to his gem. Seconds passed and he felt no changes. A ragged sigh dragged through his throat. It was already feeling hoarse and dry, and his healing attempt had left him a little more dehydrated. He licked his lips. 

As the minutes ticked by, Steven could feel his energy ebbing. He had to stay awake. He wasn’t sure where on the road he was, but he forced himself to stay alert. Slowly he began to see glimpses of the impact. 

\---------------------------------------------------------- 

A large animal had come out onto the road. It wasn’t clear in the dark what exactly it was. His headlights caught it for a fraction of a second in time for his mind override any of his gem defenses. The head rotated to stare him in the eyes and all Steven could see were the gem monsters. Each one screaming and wailing, disconnected from its original form. Then the animal changed, and Steven saw White’s fingers stretching towards him, pinching him between two black nailed fingers and Steven threw his hands up, squeezing his eyes shut. “No, I need it! I’m not her!” 

The animal galloped away as the Dondai swerved into one of the opposite lanes and directly in the path of a large moving truck. \-------------- 

Steven let out a heavy breath. His eyes darted around the car. The roof was caved in and he could see out the broken window that he was off the road in a ravine. He had to try to heal himself again. 

Every time Connie or the gems were injured, he could heal them or bring out his shield to protect them. He could use his gem to help them. That’s all he had. His hand brushed up against his lips as he licked his palm once more and pressed it to his gem. Nothing changed. 

A horrible, cold, dread trickled down his spine. He couldn’t save himself. He was too busy pushing others away, insisting he was fine. But every single time he repeated it, he knew it was a lie, a lie compounded on itself so much that he started to believe it. The one he’d grown comfortable telling himself as if it erased the nightmares that haunted him daily. 

A sigh racked his sore, bleeding, and exhausted body. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and not feel the pain anymore, to let go. A nagging feeling in his head told him to keep fighting. 

What would the gems say? He squinted as he tried to imagine the advice, they’d give him now. Pearl would probably panic if she saw him like this. But she’d tell him to stay calm while they got help. Amethyst would try to smash the car until she got him out and Garnet would be able to predict the best route to get him to a hospital. Steven frowned at the thought. He’d never been to the hospital except for the one time he snuck in with Connie to retrieve his sword and then the brief checkup disaster after his powers started acting up a couple months ago. 

He didn’t want to admit that he didn’t have control of his powers. When he was a child all he ever wanted was to be strong, to have enough power to protect his home and his family. But his power wasn’t just his. Even if Pink Diamond was gone completely, the diamond powers were still hers. Steven tried to wrangle them for himself, but the years he’d spent picking up the mess she’d made caused cracks in the joys he’d found in discovering his own strengths. Nothing felt like it was his. Every time he met a gem it was follow by strife caused by his mother or by the other diamonds. Steven draped his arm over his face and felt cold fear fill him once more at the sight of blood on his arm. 

There was a cut on his forehead, and it was dripping into his eyes. How did normal humans deal with something as common as a car crash? Steven didn’t know. A “normal” injury for him involved war, gems, and explosions. Amethyst, Garnet, and Pearl never talked about mental health or physical health. Even though they obviously had the same capacity as humans to feel trauma, they were still alien gems who had thousands of years to process the pain. 

Steven felt every single memory as it played through his mind like a scratched record player. Over and over the voices questioned his purpose, reminded him of the gems he couldn’t help, and the people he didn’t save. He’d been fighting with the Chrystal Gems since he was twelve and at seventeen the war hadn’t ended. 

As his breathing grew more labored, he tried to think about happier things. He had to keep himself occupied. Was anyone even coming? He wasn’t sure if he could reach his phone. His fingers tapped against his thigh and he couldn’t feel his phone there. He glanced over to the passenger seat and spotted it. Though at this point it barely resembled a phone. The screen’s glass was fractured to the point that when he picked it up, a few shards fell to the floor. The outside was dented, and part of the frame hung loose from the core. He bit his lip as he tried to power it on long enough to call someone. 

He winced as his fingertips pricked themselves on the broken glass of the screen. After a minute the screen lit up. Steven breathed a small amount of relief. The outside may have been damaged, but the phone itself was still functional. He tapped through his contacts and hovered over his Dad’s number. He hit the call button. 

“Hey, Schtu-ball, what’s up?” Greg’s upbeat voice filled Steven with some much-needed comfort. 

“Hey Dad, I’m…” Steven paused. How did you explain something like this? “I crashed the Dondai. I need you to come get me.” His voice cracked and he almost didn’t get the words out as he grimaced. 

“What?” Greg’s panicked voice blurted. “Where are you?” His tone immediately filled Steven with unease. He didn’t like worrying people. 

“I’m fine, Dad,” Steven lied. “I just need someone to come pick me up, the Dondai’s too wrecked.” Steven chewed on his lip. He knew that he wasn’t okay. He knew that he needed to be taken to Rose’s Fountain to heal his gem. But somehow, he couldn’t manage to admit it to his father, let alone to himself. 

“I’ll get the gems,” Greg said. “Are you sure you’re not hurt?” 

“Oh, yeah, I’m great,” Steven grinned as he clutched a hand over the broken surface of his gem. After checking where he was on the GPS, he told his Dad where to find him and then they hung up. Steven sighed. He didn’t know what scared him more, wondering if his injuries were serious enough to cause him to pass out or worse, or telling his father the truth. 

A sobering feeling filled him at that thought. He’d rather suffer and almost die than tell his father he was in pain. Steven let out a low laugh and he began giggling. That wasn’t a good sign. Delirium was usually a sign of a serious injury. 

Once more the silence crept into the cramped wreckage of the Dondai. He could feel himself shivering a little. Pain was so constant now that he hardly noticed the sharp pangs that ran through each part of his body. Without his gem bubble to cocoon him, he was just as vulnerable as anyone else. The gems weren’t going to be with him his whole life and if he were honest, he didn’t want them to be. 

His head was heavier than before, the pressure of what he suspected was a concussion pressed against the sides of his skull. Fingers gingerly massaged his temple and then ran through his hair. As he drew them back, his stomach turned at the wet blood on his hand. His head was bleeding. 

Did he really like being human? They were fragile and weak according to most gems. Breakable, easy to destroy, and short lived. Steven didn’t know how long he, as a half gem, was meant to live, but he didn’t want to die at seventeen. Gem or human, seventeen was too young. 

He leaned back against the seat once more. Any help humans had couldn’t save his gem. And the fountain couldn’t heal his human body. Steven felt himself shaking. Who was he? What was he? 

His eyes drooped. No, he had to stay awake. He turned his thoughts to his family to keep his mind active. Eyelids battled him every second. Stalling was the last hope. He’d always been on the defensive. Waiting for everything to come at him. Watching, observing, and attentively learning what he could about others. He’d never taken an offensive stance. That’s why Connie was such a good partner in fights. She took the initiative. Her decisive nature in times of need was something Steven came to rely on. 

Connie. He smiled. She was one of the only people who understood him. Greg understood his human half, and the gems understood his gem half, but Connie knew both. Greg had decided to stay out of the gem affairs by choice. But Connie wanted to help Steven. She didn’t balk or run when she saw how dangerous Steven’s life was. If anything, she saw it as an adventure. 

At least she had until a few months ago. Connie had taken Steven to see her mother to address Steven’s changing gem powers. His eyes squeezed shut at the memory. She’d seen him at his absolute worst. He was falling apart, angry, and lashing out. But she hadn’t left. Steven didn’t understand why. Every day he wanted to be the amazing person she supposedly saw in him. Yet, each time he tried; something would backfire. He’d proposed prematurely and been rejected. Despite it all, he heard the “not now” for what it was. She had other things in her life. It wasn’t the right time. Maybe in the future. It was a nice thought. One that Steven hummed in amusement at as he felt his mind go quiet again. He’d exhausted his distractions. 

Thoughts petered out into faint words and then he found himself staring out at the empty car again. He breathed in and with a low exhale his eyes slid closed as a loud bang shook the grass above the ravine and a bright portal appeared near the road. A roar stirred Steven’s eyes open a fraction. A calm smile flitted on his lips. 

“Oh, Lion, you came,” Steven mumbled. His vision was fuzzy, but he could hear the car groan as the side was punctured by a glowing object. The side of the car slid down and away, revealing a large fuzzy pink blob and a smaller human one. 

“Steven!” He squinted, failing to clarify what was going on around him. He did recognize the voice but couldn’t place who it was in his exhaustion. Connie took stock of her friend’s condition. 

“Oh, Steven.” Warmth touched his skin and he couldn’t help but smile. 

“Connie?” He managed to stammer. He could feel her hand in his and with a relieved sigh, Steven slumped over. 

Connie sprang forward, catching her friend, supporting his neck and body and gently laying him back against the seat. “I’ve got you.” 

She knew from all the medical books her mother kept around the house that if there was a risk of neck injury, the injured patient shouldn’t be moved. Even though every fiber of her being wanted nothing more than to wrap Steven up in a hug, she knew he needed medical attention first. She pulled out her phone and called 911. Then she called her mother. Priyanka would know how to handle on site injuries until medical personnel arrived. 

“Hang on, Steven.” Connie said quietly.


	2. The Waiting is the Hardest Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie finds Steven and gets help trying to process everything that's happened between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All!
> 
> Thank you to everyone for the kudos, comments, and support. I appreciate it. This chapter is still building on the events from the first one, so I'm sorry if it feels a bit slow. I promise I am building up to some bigger plot points. 
> 
> For those of you following both my SU and She-Ra fics, I haven't forgotten about the She-Ra fics, I'm just super engaged in SU stuff because of the new episodes right now. More updates for both stories on on the way over the next two weeks while I'm on break from college. 
> 
> Again, thank you for your support and feel free to comment your input and I'll do my best to respond to your questions and stuff. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Greg hung up the phone and ran a hand over his face. Something was going on with Steven. While he wasn’t involved with “Gem Business”, he could still tell there was part of the changes his son was going through that Steven wasn’t telling anyone. Not the gems, not Greg, and maybe not even Connie from the way she’d reacted to the giant pink version of Steven that had emerged a few months ago. Years of observing Steven spending time with Connie had given Greg a sense of comfort. He felt heartened by the idea that Steven had someone he felt he could confide in when he couldn’t talk to Greg. 

The pink powers outburst wasn’t normal though, not even by gem standards. The fact that he understood even less about it than the gems probably did scared him beyond reason. There was a time when Steven had no qualms about confiding in his father when he was feeling uncertain or scared. But now the bubbly boy who loved to share his energy with the world was hiding himself from everyone. 

At first Greg tried to brush it off as a teenager thing. He’d been a teenager once and a rebellious one at that. Heck, he’d quit community college to become a rock star. But Steven’s changes weren’t anything like quitting community or joining a rock band. Steven was changing into something fundamentally different from any gem, creature, or human Greg had encountered before. These changes were happening at a pace so rapid that Greg could see Steven was in pain and not entirely in control. 

He had admitted to proposing to Connie, which was an additional concern to Greg, but one that the older Universe saw as a symptom of something far more detrimental. As he neared the Beach House, flooring his old van to its limits, Greg hoped the gems were home. He knew his van and his aging body couldn’t catch up to Steven fast enough, but maybe the gems could. Voices drifted down from inside the kitchen and Greg breathed a sigh of relief. He hustled up the steps and burst inside with a cry of, “Steven needs our help!” 

Amethyst looked up from the can of beans she was about to drink and quipped, “Uh, yeah, he’s been acting really weird. Even by my standards.” She crushed the can and swallowed it whole. Greg sighed and tried not to let her comment distract him. 

“No, no, that’s not what I mean,” He said, waving his hands in dismissal, “Steven just called me and said he crashed the Dondai.” All eyes were on Greg now. Pearl dropped the plate she was drying, and Amethyst nearly choked on the second can of beans she was about to stuff into her mouth. 

“What?!” Pearl and Amethyst blurted at the same time. Garnet’s eyes flicked up abruptly, her usual calm demeanor radiating unease. 

“Garnet?” Pearl looked over at the fusion as if to ask the question on all their minds. 

The taller Chrystal gem pressed her lips into a thin line. “I didn’t see this. Steven is jumping paths faster than my vision can follow.” 

Amethyst blew a low whistle, “Man, human puberty is rough.” 

“Amethyst!” Pearl admonished. Amethyst shrugged. 

“What? I know what puberty is. Jeez, it’s not a big deal,” Amethyst said with a roll of her eyes. 

Pearl’s eyes widened with an incredulous, “How on Earth do you know that?” 

The purple gem once again shrugged, unfazed. “I read stuff.” Greg took that moment to cut back in. 

“This is an emergency,” He breathed, “I don’t think the van is fast enough to get to where he is.” 

Garnet thought for a moment. “Lion will be the fastest way to get to him. But he’s been with Connie all week.” Before anyone could say anything further, Greg had pulled out his phone and was preparing to dial Connie’s number. After the incident at the hospital a few months ago, Greg had made sure that Connie had all his contact information and reiterated that she could call him any time there was a problem. With things as they were with Steven, Greg wanted to have an open line of communication. 

The line clicked as Connie picked up. “Hello, Mr. Universe,” She said brightly, then paused. “Is everything okay?” Another beat, “Is Steven okay?” 

Greg had to smile to himself despite the nature of the dire situation. Nothing got past this young woman. She was sharper than the sword she carried around. It filled him with a sense of relief that Steven had such an attentive person as a friend when he was incredibly impulsive and had such a turbulent lifestyle. 

Greg took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Steven called me not too long ago to ask me to pick him up because he crashed the Dondai. But he said he was fine.” 

Connie’s brow creased. She knew that phrasing too well by now. Steven was a terrible liar and if he ever decided to try his hand at it, an even worse poker player. “How did he phrase it?” She asked, already packing up her stuff and grabbing her jacket from the chair. 

“Well, he said he was fine and when I asked again if he was hurt, he said ‘I’m great!’” Connie’s heart dropped into her stomach. “Great” was basically Steven speak for “terrible” these days. Connie’s pace sped up as she hurried out of the door to her room, fingers flying across the keyboard as she texted her parents to let them know what was going on. She picked up the keys to the house and saw as she opened the door that Lion was already staring at her, expression alert. 

“I’m going to get him, Mr. Universe. Lion and I can get there in a few minutes,” She said as she hopped onto Lion’s back. “Text me the location.” She said that but then realized that Lion probably already knew where Steven was. The large pink cat always did. 

“Thank you, Connie,” Greg said, his heart feeling some relief knowing that she was going to be able to get to his son quickly. “And Connie?” 

She paused. “Yes, Mr. Universe?” 

“You can call me Greg,” He said. “You and Steven have been close for years, you don’t need to be so formal.” Connie’s heart warmed at the words. It wasn’t a secret that Steven cared about her. But it was nice to know that Greg felt a strong connection too. 

“I’ll keep you updated, Greg,” She assured him. Normally calling an adult by their first name felt strange to her. She’d never done it in her whole life, but somehow it felt natural to call Steven’s father something more intimate than Mr. Universe. She hung up the phone as Lion roared a portal into existence and they were gone. 

The portal opened onto a strip of highway just outside of beach city and Lion skidded across it with a low growl as he jumped out. Connie glanced around for any sign of Steven. Her eyes fell on the smoking front of a moving truck. Pieces of the truck were scattered across the road and skid marks from the front of the truck trailed off towards a ditch on the side. Connie slid off Lion’s back and peered down the hill. There at the bottom, smashed almost beyond recognition was the Dondai. 

“Steven,” Connie whispered. She jogged over and climbed down the hill with Lion at her heels. She stopped in front of the wrecked car and peered into the window, or rather, she saw directly through the car because the glass was completely shattered. There leaning against the driver’s seat with blood dripping down his face was Steven. It took a massive amount of rationale and courage for her to not panic at the sight of her best friend covered in blood and barely moving. But she needed to be careful. At the moment she didn’t know how badly injured he was. Another cursory examination of the car told her that trying to reach through the window would likely cause lacerations to herself and Steven if she tried to pull him out. Nothing mattered more to her now than his safety. Connie then drew her sword and with a strategic thrust, stabbed into the passenger door and sliced across. The metal slid away like a knife through butter. Bismuth’s craftsmanship was unparalleled when it came to weapons. 

“Steven!” Once again Connie had to restrain herself from trying to hug her friend. Her eyes scanned him. He was in horrible shape. There was blood all over his face and one of his arms was pinned at an awkward angle under the mangled remains of the driver’s side door. “Oh, Steven.” 

“Connie?” Steven’s cracked and weak stammer broke her concentration for a moment. He caught her eye for a second before he began to fall forward. Connie caught him and gently set him back. 

“I’ve got you.” She dialed 911 and then got on the phone with her mother. As she was talking to her mother, she absentmindedly ran her fingers over Steven’s hand. She’d seen him go through some horrible things. Every single time she hadn’t questioned where he’d gotten the strength to get back up after each experience knocked him down. Now as she looked at him, she didn’t see the same infallible unwavering heroic boy she’d grown up with. The rose-colored lenses that Steven had both literally and figuratively healed for her had fallen off. All she could see was a shaky teenage boy who had gotten in over his head and was paying for mistakes that weren’t his fault. She’d heard Steven talk often enough about how he felt responsible for the gems. 

Someone had to be responsible for Steven. He wouldn’t do it for himself. Connie took a deep breath. “Hey Mom,” She gently squeezed his hand. “Yeah, I found him. He’s badly hurt. Can you walk me through what I need to do? Yeah, I called 911.” Connie followed her Mom’s instructions and then only left Steven’s side to flag down the ambulance when it arrived. 

As she made her way back down the hill, Lion met her and bumped her leg and growled. She frowned and followed him back to where Steven was. The pink cat nudged Steven’s gem gently. Connie bent down to look at it. The gem was cracked, and pieces were missing. She bit her lip. No wonder Steven had been in such bad shape. His gem didn’t activate his bubble. 

He’d need healing water from the fountain or the diamonds to fix his gem. Connie once more got out her phone and called Greg. After explaining Steven’s condition and that they’d need the water from the diamonds, all that was left was waiting. \------------------------- 

Bright lights over the hill signaled the arrival of the ambulance. Connie climbed up and directed them to where Steven was. As the paramedics worked to free Steven from the car, she clutched her arm. She’d come to rescue him, but at the end of the day she still couldn’t get him out of the car without hurting him. She wasn’t a trained medical professional, she wasn’t a doctor like her Mom, she didn’t even know how to drive a car like Steven did, and her skills were only applicable in combat against gems. 

She sighed. “Excuse me, are you with the patient?” Connie looked up as one of the paramedics approached her. 

“Oh, um, yes,” Connie said, now registering the fact that Steven was in the ambulance and the medical crew appeared to be ready to head to the hospital. 

“Will you be riding with him?” The paramedic asked. Connie’s eyes went to Lion, who grunted and jerked his nose at Steven, giving his silent, but clear approval. 

“Yes, I’m not leaving him,” She said and with a quick hug to Lion, followed the paramedics back into the ambulance. Lion roared, startling the medical crew for a moment before he jumped into the portal. \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Upon arrival at the hospital Priyanka met her daughter outside the ER entrance. She hugged Connie and stood back to examine her. Out of the corner of the doctor’s eye she saw Steven’s bloody and weakened state and her motherly instincts kicked in tenfold. 

“Connie, I know you want to stay with him,” Priyanka said slowly, “But things are going to be difficult for him tonight and I don’t know if you should see this.” In her years as a Doctor Priyanka had seen many patients come through and how their families had handled some of the worst situations. It wasn’t easy to cope with seeing a family member or friend so vulnerable. 

Even after so many years of practicing Priyanka herself still had to take a step back sometimes and try to process the amount of suffering she’d seen. Connie was a bright young woman. She was strong and maturing at a faster rate than Priyanka was prepared for. But Connie was still only a teenager. Steven was too. He was only a child when all those traumatic events had transpired with the gems. Connie had explained some of them, when prompted, but even she seemed to be processing those events still. This was just one more added weight to her daughter’s shoulders. 

Connie’s eyes met her mother’s, a fierce pair of brown eyes stared through Priyanka, “I couldn’t help him much before the medics got there. I have to do something.” She looked over at the gurney where Steven lay, and flicked her eyes back to her mother. “Even if that means waiting.” 

Priyanka opened her mouth and then shut it. There was a sense of determination that gave the older woman pride yet worried her all the same. Steven’s condition was questionable. They didn’t know how bad the damage was. “Mom?” The older Maheswaran looked down to find Connie was tearing up. 

“Oh, Connie,” Priyanka knelt a little and hugged Connie tight. She hadn’t felt like Connie needed her mother in the same ways these days as she had in the past. But right now, Connie felt like a small child again, helpless, unsure, and scared of the unknown. 

“I don’t know how to help him,” Connie said, her voice barely audible. “I feel like he’s got so many things he won’t tell me, and I want to help.” She wiped her eyes, “How can you help someone who doesn’t want help?” Priyanka’s eyes shut as she took a deep pensive breath. 

“You can’t, Connie,” Priyanka said firmly, but still gently as she laid her hands on Connie’s shoulders. “Especially if they can’t admit the problem to themselves.” She sighed. This was a much longer and deeper conversation that she’d hoped wouldn’t come up so soon or in such a raw and personal way. “All you can do is let the other person know that you’re there for them. And hopefully, one day, they’ll listen.” She then steered Connie off towards the hallway leading to the waiting room. 

“Connie, I know that me telling you to go home won’t make any difference,” Priyanka stated. Connie gave a sheepish smile. Her mother didn’t miss a beat. “But I want you to call your father and tell him to come here. I don’t want you by yourself.” 

Connie nodded and hugged her Mom. “Thanks, Mom,” She paused as she remembered the healing water from the diamonds. “Oh, when the gems get here, they’ll need to give the staff the healing water for Steven’s gem.” 

Priyanka nodded and continued to steer Connie to the waiting room. “I’ll take care of him. You focus on sleeping.” Connie reluctantly walked through the double set of doors and with a final glance at the gurney as it was whisked away, went to find a place to sit and wait for the rest of the night.


	3. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they wait to hear about Steven's condition, Connie, Greg, the Chrystal Gems, and Doug try to support each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All,
> 
> This is a longer chapter and still a bit slow because I'm trying to keep the pacing both realistic and keep the plot moving. I'll try to move things along in the next few chapters. 
> 
> I appreciate all the kudos, comments, and support of this work. It means a lot. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Connie woke to the quiet of the waiting room. She shifted to sit up and noted that someone had covered her in a blanket. It was an itchy plain hospital issued one, but the gesture was appreciated. She glanced over to see her father had fallen asleep in the chair next to hers, his head resting on his shoulder. After calling Doug, her father had arrived at the hospital with a small food cooler bag, Connie’s schoolwork, and phone chargers. Being raised by two organized parents had its benefits. Priyanka was always prepared for any kind of medical emergency and Doug was quick to supply activities to pass the time or any kind of emotional support Connie needed. Right now, she needed plenty of that, but she could survive on her own while he slept. Just having her father there helped. Her mother had, unsurprisingly, been correct about having someone to keep Connie company while she waited. 

Her eyes wandered to the other side of the room where she noticed that Greg was sitting and talking to the Chrystal Gems, or two out of the three of them at least. Pearl was seated next to Greg with a nervous expression on her face. Connie had never seen Pearl this disconcerted. She was constantly changing how her legs were crossed, leaning forward, and then straightening in between sentences. From the half full cups of what Connie suspected was coffee, they’d been up for a while. 

Garnet stood off to the side, leaning against the wall, occasionally glancing over to the double doors of the ER. Connie wasn’t sure how much Garnet’s future vision could predict given the uncertain nature of Steven’s condition. It was hard to say and even more difficult to read the stoic gem’s expression in general. 

“Oh, Connie, you’re awake.” She looked up to find she had all three sets of eyes on her now. Pearl was smiling at her mentee with a bright, albeit clearly forced, perkiness. Connie appreciated the attempt at cheering up the situation, but she could only smile back wearily. Greg must have seen through her because he got up and walked over to where she sat, stuck in place. 

“Are you okay, Kiddo?” Greg asked. Connie noted that he’d called her the same term of endearment he usually reserved for Steven. If it were any other circumstance it would have made her happy, gleeful even. But now it just filled her with a dull ache. 

“Really tired,” She admitted, rubbing her eyes. Greg took the chair opposite her and leaned forward on his knees. He looked positively drained between the dark circles under his eyes, the constant sighing, and the lack of pep in his tone. Greg was usually like Steven, energetic, friendly, and ready to wrap the world in a warm hug. None of those emotions could be seen on his face and his body seemed ready to deflate at any moment. One thing that the Maheswarans and the Universes had in common was the fact that Connie and Steven were their only children. Connie could only imagine how her parents would feel if their positions were reversed and she was the one in critical condition. “I’m sorry, Mr.…” She caught herself and took a deep breath. “Greg, I should have done more for Steven.” 

Greg’s eyes widened a little and he shook his head. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, Connie.” He took a deep, shuddering breath and faced her again. “If you hadn’t gotten to Steven on Lion, I don’t know what would have happened.” He offered her a small smile. “And that’s not even counting the number of times you’ve helped him on missions. I know I haven’t told you this enough, but you’ve saved Steven in more ways than I can count. It makes this old man happy to know that you’re there for him.” 

Connie felt some redness creep into her cheeks at those words. She hadn’t realized how high of a regard Greg held her in. The thought of Greg noticing every ounce of loving care she given Steven over the course of their friendship made her feel self-conscious. Of course, he would notice, why wouldn’t he? Steven was the only immediate family that Greg had left. The two Universes were a team of their own. They’d jammed together for longer than Connie and Steven had. After all, it was Greg who gave Steven the gift of the love of music. 

“Thanks, Greg,” Connie said quietly. As she spoke, her father stirred and blearily blinked his eyes open. 

“Morning, Dad,” She said. Doug pushed his glasses back onto his face as they’d started to slide down as he slept. Connie was always amazed that they never fell off when he fell asleep with them on. Doug always insisted it was a talent of anyone who wore glasses to find ways to keep them on. “Some kind of gravity defying magic” was how he’d explained it to a younger, giggling Connie. She’d forgotten how wearing glasses was for a while after Steven healed her eyes. 

“Connie,” He sat up and pulled her close, hugging her, and then pushed her back a little as he looked her over. “Are you alright? Did you sleep okay?” Connie had to laugh and roll her eyes a little. She now had two Dads worrying about it. It was heartwarming, but a bit overwhelming at the same time. 

“I slept okay,” She said, not wanting to go into too much detail about how restless she actually felt, “I just got up myself.” Doug scrutinized her in a way that reminded Connie more of Priyanka, but she couldn’t blame her father for being worried. She then looked between the two fathers. 

“Did they say how he was doing?” She almost couldn’t bring herself to say Steven’s name. The two men exchanged looks and Greg took that moment to get up. 

“I’m going to grab us some more coffee,” Greg said and started off down the hall. Connie’s eyes went back to her father. She wasn’t sure if Greg had left because he felt this was better left as a father and daughter conversation, or if the news was so upsetting that he didn’t want to talk about it himself. For the sake of everyone involved, she hoped it was the former. 

“Your Mother came back to update us while you were sleeping,” Doug said, taking Connie’s hands in his. She tried to read her father’s face as he spoke. It was hard to see him so uneasy. Something was clearly off, and he wasn’t telling her what it was. Connie wasn’t a child anymore. She didn’t want or deserve kid gloves, no matter how harsh the truth was. 

“Just tell me, Dad,” Connie insisted. Not knowing what was going on was worse than her sitting and coming up with imaginative nightmare scenarios in her mind. One of the pitfalls of being so imaginative was that her mind knew what her worst fear were and could run them at top speed through her thoughts. 

She slammed the breaks on the intrusive fears and fixed her father with a firm stare. Doug saw the same fearlessness he’d seen so many times in Priyanka shining back through the eyes of his daughter. It was hard to admit she was growing up. He wanted to protect her from the truth like he had so many times before. But Connie wasn’t a child. She’d been there to find Steven in horrible shape. Priyanka had told him about Steven’s condition and Doug didn’t like that Connie had to be the one to deal with her friend’s near-death experience. He’d shared as much with Priyanka, and while she agreed, she reminded both of them that Connie wasn’t going to give up simply because they refused to share information with her. 

“He’s going to recover,” Doug started and watched Connie’s face as she stared him down. There weren’t many people who could face that expression and come out alive, he was quickly learning. Connie had developed a fiery spirit that no words or mortal soul could extinguish. He could see why Steven was so awestruck around her. The boy was smitten from day one. It didn’t take much for Doug to recognize the same look in Steven’s eyes that Doug himself had when he met Priyanka. It was sweet, but it would require a lengthier conversation between them considering the recent “proposal” incident. 

“But?” Connie pressed, breaking her father’s train of thought. He refocused on Connie. 

Doug sighed. “He’s going to have to take things easy for a while.” Her brow raised at that and then narrowed. 

“What does that mean?” She said. Doug chewed his lip. He wasn’t sure how to explain this to her, but Connie’s continuing frustration with the lack of clear answers and slowness of his response was starting to grate on her nerves. “Dad, come on. I saw what Steven looked like when I found him. Just tell me!” 

Her voice jumped several octaves and the outburst drew the attention of Pearl and Garnet across the way. “Connie, is everything alright?” Pearl asked. 

“No, no, it’s not!” Connie felt her fist clenching. “My best friend is lying in there,” She jabbed a finger at the ER doors, “In who knows what condition and no on will tell me what’s going on!” 

“What’s going on?” The doors opened as Dr. Maheswaran stepped out, a clipboard in hand. She looked from her clearly irate daughter to her nervous husband and frowned. Connie had her fists clenched, not something Priyanka was used to seeing from her daughter, and the younger woman looked ready to fight. The doctor crossed the room and placed a hand on Doug’s shoulder. He took the silent message and disappeared down the hall. Priyanka then turned her attention to Connie, who was shaking to the point that she was almost vibrating. Priyanka set her clipboard down on one of the chairs and placed her hands-on Connie’s shoulders. The shaking subsided a little as Connie looked up at her mother. 

“Connie, I know that everything is hard right now, but we need to try to stay civil with each other. Yelling isn’t going to help anyone,” Priyanka said gently. Connie sucked in a breath through her lips and then nodded. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” She said quietly. 

“You can apologize to your father when he comes back, but for now I want to speak with you alone,” Priyanka said. Connie’s eyes shot up to meet her mother’s. 

“Is something wrong with Steven?” Connie blurted. Priyanka held up her hands to placate her daughter. 

“Steven is out of surgery,” Priyanka said. Connie’s body visibly tensed. So, he was in surgery? Why hadn’t anyone woken her up and told her? A million reasons ran through her mind but were sidelined when Priyanka continued. “They managed to heal most of his gem with the diamond water and given the circumstances, he’s very lucky to be alive.” Connie nodded, but she was still standing stiffly as she waited for the other shoe to drop. Priyanka was using the tone she used when there was a more serious topic she was building into. Connie had heard it enough times when she was in trouble as a kid to know what that sounded like. 

“But he’s not okay,” Connie filled in. Priyanka sighed. She couldn’t lie to her daughter. Not only would Connie know in an instant, it would be become apparent when she finally could go back and see Steven. The truth would rear its brutal head eventually. 

“I’m not going to sugar coat this, Connie. Steven’s body, even before this accident, was full of fractures from what I imagine are gem fights,” Priyanka said. Connie’s eyes widened. She hadn’t been in the room for Steven’s examination, out of respect for his privacy, but she never imagined that he’d sustained such serious injuries. Or maybe she hadn’t wanted to think about how many times he’d been knocked down, punched, kicked, or otherwise beaten by gems of all kinds. “I shouldn’t even be telling you that, given Patient Doctor confidentiality laws, but given the state of emergency, you should know that his current state isn’t just because of the car accident.” 

Connie’s mind stalled for a moment as she tried to process the information. Steven had been hurt so many times and she never thought to wonder how he was feeling physically or asked recently how he was feeling. He was such an upbeat person most of the time, it was easy to forget that he had lived through a war. A wave of guilt washed over her, and she swallowed. 

“-And I want you to know that this is not your fault or your responsibility. Do you understand, Connie?” Priyanka was saying and Connie jolted herself from her thoughts to respond. 

“Yes, Ma’am, I do,” Connie said. Priyanka’s caught the aversion of Connie’s eyes there at the end. She hummed out her disbelief in Connie’s unconvincing response. 

“Connie, if you’re not sure about this, you can always wait,” Priyanka said. Connie leaped forward, grabbing her mother’s arms. 

“No, I have to see him, I have to…” She trailed off, realizing that she didn’t know what she could do. 

“Oh, Dr. Maheswaran,” Greg said as he came around the corner, coffee in hand, with Doug and a bored looking Amethyst in tow. “Is everything okay?” 

Priyanka took that moment to explain Steven’s condition to his father and then brief the gems. “He’ll be moved to a room shortly. However, he will only be able to see two people at a time. We’ll be continuing to monitor his condition.” 

“Mom?” Priyanka paused her explanation to look at her daughter. “What’s really wrong?” 

Priyanka picked up the clipboard and after a quick review she slowly answered, “We aren’t quite sure of the extent of the injury, but there appears to be some lasting damage to Steven’s left arm. He may require some physical therapy after we discharge him.” 

Connie’s mind was a flurry of panic at the implications. Steven’s arm would mean he would have a hard time doing most basic tasks, but more importantly, it meant he would have trouble doing the one thing that he loved more than anything: music. 

She pushed the thoughts aside and went to her father. “I’m sorry for yelling, Dad.” Doug sighed and hugged Connie. Over the top of her head he met his wife’s gaze. She had the same reservations he did about Connie going back to see Steven on her own. She’d want to, that was certain, but both parents could see that as the day wore on, Connie was pulled thin on emotions. 

“Let’s get something to eat,” Doug suggested. Priyanka gave him a grateful smile as she started back towards the double doors. “We could all use a break.” 

“I’ll be back out as soon as he’s ready for visitors,” Priyanka said and was gone. Doug now put his full attention on his daughter. Connie was standing stock still, fixed on the spot. 

“Connie,” Doug said, coming over and taking her hand. “I know you’re worried, but you should eat. There’s nothing we can do now.” Connie nodded numbly. They settled on the chairs once more and Doug divided up the food he’d packed to all the humans. Amethyst seemed content to gobble some of the cans of soda she’d gotten from the vending machine, which explained where she’d been this whole time. She arranged a pyramid of cans on the waiting room table and was slowly chugging the drinks, crushing them, and eating them. Gems were something else, especially Amethyst. 

Connie robotically ate her sandwich and then tried to sleep, but after tossing and turning on the two chairs she’d pushed together for almost half an hour, she gave up and pulled out one of her textbooks. Nothing was sticking in her mind from her studies, but it gave her mind something to focus on other than the daunting news her mother had brought them. She grunted and shoved her book away, leaning her head back against the wall. After a few minutes her eyes slid shut and a reluctant sleep took her. \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

A low murmur of voices woke Connie from her brief slumber. She cast a look around to see her mother standing by the doors with her father. Connie jumped up and then regretted it immediately as she tripped on her half-asleep foot. 

“Connie!” Priyanka and Doug cried almost simultaneously. The gems also looked up in alarm, ready to spring into action. Connie let out an embarrassed chuckle. 

“Are you alright?” Priyanka was at Connie’s side in an instant. “Is there anything that hurts?” Connie shook her head. 

“No, Ma’am, I just tripped,” She breathed a low sigh, annoyed at herself for causing everyone to worry. “My foot was asleep.” There was a collective sigh of relief and Priyanka seemed to relax when she saw that Connie was unharmed. 

“Is he…” Connie couldn’t quite figure out how to word her question. Priyanka seemed to get the gist because she saved Connie the trouble of fishing for her question. 

“He’s awake and we just moved him to his room,” Priyanka explained and was heartened to see her daughter relax at the words. It was a relief to hear from Doug that Connie had also managed to sleep a little, even if it was brief. Worry ate at Priyanka over how her child was handling the severity of the current situation. Even an adult would feel overwhelmed. All things considered Connie was dealing with it far better than many would in her shoes. 

“Now, Connie,” Priyanka said, “He’s still recovering from the anesthesia, so I don’t want you to expect too much from him.” Though the mother suspected Connie would just be relieved to see Steven awake and safe considering the last time they’d see one another was when Steven was covered in blood and being rushed off to the ICU for treatment. She paused the doctor side of her brain as she looked Connie over. “Are you going to be alright?” 

“I’ll be okay,” Connie said. “I just need to see him.” Priyanka sighed. There was no going back now. Doug stepped up and placed a hand on Connie’s shoulder. “What about Greg?” 

“He already went in while you were sleeping,” Priyanka answered. Connie glanced over at Greg before returning her attention to her father. 

“I’ll be right there with you,” Doug said. Connie gave him a grateful smile and the three made their way to the back. \-------------------------------------------------------------- 

Connie hadn’t been entirely sure of what to expect before she entered Steven’s room. She spent a moment staring at the door with a small markerboard with his last name written on it for a few minutes before she was able to even put her hand on the handle. Doug simply stood there, trying his best to support Connie as she steeled herself. Worry nipped at him and he wanted to pull her away from the one thing that was hurting her and would bring her some peace of mind. Priyanka had to leave them to attend to other patients, but she assured her family that she’d return as soon as time allowed. 

Finally, Connie opened the door and entered Steven’s room. There, propped up against several pillows and surrounded by multiple sets of monitoring equipment was Steven. She felt the air she’d been holding in trickle out of her mouth and small bursts before she let out a small laugh followed by a tiny sob. She caught herself, trying hard not to cry in front of him. That was the last thing either one of them needed. 

“Steven,” She made her way to his side in a few quick strides. Once she was close enough to see him, she sunk down into the chair next to the bed. 

“Connie,” Steven said, his faint smile giving her the permission she needed to smile back at last. “You’re here.” He stretched his fingers out, trying not to move the IV in his arm. She took the hint and laced her fingers through his. Feeling the heat from his hand was what she needed to know he was there, and this wasn’t part of her imagination. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” \------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

When Priyanka opened the door to Steven’s room later that day, she entered the room to find her husband reading a book he’d brought with him from home. She quickly pecked him on the lips and then turned to see her daughter sitting on a chair by the bed, her hand loosely wrapped around Steven’s. 

Her instinct was to wake Connie as the nurses would need to check on Steven soon, but before she could move, Doug touched her arm. “Let them be, Pri. They need this.” She retreated and sighed. He was right. The two of them needed this moment of peace for once. Priyanka looked over at Doug. He was smiling in a knowing way that caused her to roll her eyes. 

“You can see it too, can’t you?” Doug said. Priyanka shook her head in defeat. 

“As much as I don’t want to, yes,” She admitted. It was hard to ignore the peaceful smile planted on Connie’s lips as she slept. Or Steven’s for that matter. Priyanka wasn’t sure of what to make of Steven Universe at first. He didn’t go to school, he was involved in what she soon learned were dangerous battles, he wasn’t entirely human, and he was impulsive. All these things would normally drive Priyanka to want to separate Connie from someone like him. But then she saw it. The love he had for her. Every time he saw Connie it was written all over his face. Perhaps it was a young love at first, wild, free, and undeterred by reality. But it was there. 

Then Priyanka had heard about how Steven had stopped Connie from hurting herself in sword training from Connie after they had a long talk. The sword training itself, when the older woman found out, was troubling. But Steven had stepped in to stop Connie from diminishing her own self-worth. That, more than anything else the boy had done for Connie, proved that he had her best interests at heart. It showed Priyanka that Steven truly thought of Connie as more than just a best friend, more than just a playmate, or a sparring partner, he saw her as family. Family would always put the best interests of family first. Steven had done that time and time again. 

He’d been scarce lately while Connie studied for exams in cram school. No matter what happened, Steven respected her time and who she was as a person. That was enough for Priyanka. 

“I’ll be back to check on them in a while,” She said. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Doug said, and Priyanka felt better for it. Her family was there together, safe, and that’s what mattered most.


	4. Shadows We Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie have a long overdue conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All,
> 
> Thank you to everyone for the great comments and feedback. I enjoy hearing your thoughts on the story as I write it. For me half the fun of storytelling is knowing someone else is having as much fun reading my work as I am writing it. 
> 
> I didn't originally plan for some of the stuff that happens later in this chapter, it kinda gravitated in that direction as I wrote it. Also this fic may turn out to be longer than I planned, so hang on, things are about to get rocky. 
> 
> Enjoy!

A loud bang startled Connie out of her light sleep. She’d never been a heavy sleeper, but the noise was obnoxious enough to wake anyone from their rest. She slowly opened the door to Steven’s room and made her way back towards the waiting room where she found herself staring at a strange scene. 

There in the middle of the hall in front of the double doors was a giant pink Lion surrounded by several perplexed and panicked looking doctors and nurses. At the sight of Connie, the Lion padded over and without any warning, he hacked and made a gagging noise. Oh, no. 

“Wait, Lion, don’t that here-” Connie started, but before she could finish, the Lion had coughed up whatever he’d eaten recently. Given how bizarre the magical lion’s diet was, it could literally be anything from magical gem lizards to toilet paper. She stood, grossed out and exasperated by the whole thing. Now she knew why Steven was constantly having to clean his mattress. 

“Ugh, why’d you have to do that…” She trailed off as her eye caught the glinting shine off some pink objects in the middle of the hairball. “What is this?” She bent over. 

“Wait, Connie, don’t, that’s not sanitary,” Priyanka cut in as she cut through the throng of gathered hospital staff who had come to see what the commotion was. But Connie was already picking up the small pink objects. Her eyes widened and then narrowed in recognition. 

“Thank you, Lion,” She said, giving Lion a hug. Priyanka’s jaw hung open in confusion. She looked from the Lion to her daughter, hoping for some kind of explanation of the strange turn of events. Connie sighed and made her way to her mother. 

“Do you mind explaining what that…Lion…is doing here?” Priyanka said, hardly believing she had to ask what a pink magical lion who just appeared out of thin air was doing in the hospital. 

“He found the fragments of Steven’s gem,” Connie said, holding out the shards. Priyanka had seen her fair share of disgusting things as a doctor, but this took the cake. 

“I see,” The older woman said. “Well, thank you.” She said to Lion, who bumped her arm in acknowledgment before he roared, scaring the staff back a few paces as he jumped through his portal and was gone. 

“We’re going to need to sanitize that,” Priyanka said blankly, gesturing to the shards. “And get this mess cleaned up.” She sighed. Never a dull day in Beach City. 

After cleaning up the waiting room and making sure that the shards were completely free of any kind of bacteria, Priyanka decided to consult with the Chrystal gems about gem repair since none of the doctors knew how to heal a gem. They’d used the diamonds’ water, but that wasn’t complicated. Steven seemed to be doing better after, but he remained weak with his gem missing pieces. 

“Gems don’t usually survive cracking like this,” Pearl was saying, cupping her chin in thought. “I don’t know how we’d piece it back together. Garnet?” 

The tallest Chrystal gem remained silent for moment; her arms folded as she mulled through her experiences in hopes of finding a solution. “Steven’s organic body is the only reason he’s still able to survive this. But I don’t know how to fix the gem outside of the fountain or help from the Diamonds.” 

Amethyst scowled, “Oh, we are so not telling them about this. How do you think that conversation would go, ‘Hey, White, Steven cracked his gem so badly he lost pieces, do you think you can fix it?’” The purple gem shook her head and blew her bangs off her face with a low sigh and roll of her eyes. “What could possibly go wrong?” 

Pearl sighed. “He needs help though. There has to be something we can do?” Garnet straightened up. 

“We’ll need to consult with them. They can’t come here,” Garnet said, nodding to Amethyst’s point. “But only they would have the resources to heal a gem damage this severe.” Her words were followed by a long silence. Internally she was torn about speaking to the Diamonds. Only Steven had returned to Homeworld after their face off with the Diamonds three years ago. Ruby and Sapphire still felt bitter about everything the Diamonds had done. No amount of reparations or changes in their personalities would ever erase the scars left from their atrocities. 

But this was for Steven. While Garnet wasn’t unified on going to Homeworld to speak to the Diamonds, she was always unified in her love for Steven. He important to her in ways that Garnet couldn’t have imagined before coming to Earth. 

“I’ll go talk to them,” Garnet said, gritting her teeth as she spoke. The other two gems looked on in alarm. 

“Garnet, you don’t have to, I can go talk to them,” Pearl said. The taller gem shook her head. “Steven will need you two here in case there are any questions. And there will be.” A black and red hand pushed her glasses back onto her face. “Take care of things while I’m gone.” She then walked out of the building without waiting for a response. Pearl and Amethyst exchanged glances and the latter shrugged. 

“You heard G, we’re just gonna have to wait this out,” She looked over towards the doors. “How’s Steeman doing?” 

“His human body is healing,” Priyanka said. “So, he’s doing as well as we can hope for now.” The purple gem threw up her arms in exasperation. 

“Ugh, I hate waiting around,” She trudged off in search of the vending machines again. Pearl watched her disappear around the corner and then returned her attention to Priyanka. 

“Is Connie handling things alright?” Pearl asked. Priyanka smiled. She appreciated how Pearl still cared about her pupil, even though they weren’t training much anymore. As far as Priyanka knew, Connie still communicated with Pearl every so often. 

The doctor shifted her clipboard to her opposite arm and let out a small sigh. “She hasn’t left his room since he woke up.” Her eyes met Pearl’s. Through the firm gaze that came from the gem, Priyanka could see the concern was mutual. Connie had to think about her future. Pearl had worked with Connie long enough to know that training with a goal in mind, to focus and continue to hone your skills was important. Whether it was sword training, or studying for college, the discipline was the same. 

“She cares about him,” Pearl said with a smile. She’d seen as much from the very first day he went out on the Beach with his bike to try to impress her. It was only a matter of time before the two admitted to their growing feelings towards one another. “And he loves her,” Priyanka said, thinking about the conversation she’d had with Doug earlier. Pearl laughed a little. 

“It took me so long to understand how humans grew and changed,” She said. “Steven more than anything proved to us, as gems, that everyone can change.” A pause followed as she thought about her student and Steven, who was like a son to her in some ways. Pearl had helped raise him. It was hard not to want him to have everything he desired to make him happy. But it was hard to say what that was these days. “But he’s changing in ways that not even Garnet can predict the results of. I’m worried.” 

Priyanka put a hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “Welcome to parenting a teenager,” the doctor pulled back. “Even if Steven was completely human, this would still be hard. Steven and Connie both have choices to make.” As much as Priyanka didn’t want to admit it, the two were going to have some difficult decisions to make about their respective futures. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Connie hadn’t realized how bad hospital food was until she had to watch Steven attempt to eat it. Only a few bites in had him recoiling and complaining about how their vegetarian options were almost nonexistent. As much as the mock disgusted look on his face made her concerned for how much he was going to be able to eat, she was glad he was feeling well enough to complain. 

“I can have Dad bring more sandwiches from home,” She assured her jam bud. Steven gave a grateful groan and smiled at her before deciding to pick at the pudding cup. It wasn’t exactly substantive, but Connie had to accept that he was going to eat what he could. 

“Have you gone home?” Connie’s eyes avoided his eyes. She decided to focus on the open page of her textbook that she had open. She’d taken off a day from her cram school so she could sit with him. While he was grateful for the company and wouldn’t ever complain about getting to spend time with her. He knew that things couldn’t stay this way. She had to go to college. Deep down he knew that. And with the last major interaction they had before his accident being the incident at the hospital, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he was holding her back. 

“Connie, look at me,” Steven said. When she still didn’t look at him, he grimaced. “Please.” She slowly lifted her eyes to look at him. His eyes still held a huge weight. He was tired, hurting, and she knew it wasn’t all from the accident now. “We haven’t talked…I mean really talked, since the checkup.” 

Connie shut her book and sighed. They were going to talk about this whether she wanted to or not. She wanted to wait until he was discharged, so she could avoid stressing him out while he recovered, but it was going to be impossible with the elephant in the room. They were both thinking about the same thing. No amount of time or waiting could make the conversation easier. 

“Okay, let’s talk,” She said, fixing him with a hard stare. “But I want you to be completely honest with me.” Steven swallowed but nodded mutely. “What’s going on with you?” 

Steven opened his mouth, his words failing to come out under Connie’s stare. It wasn’t the fact that she was giving him a hard look. Though he always faltered when she did give him any kind of “Tell me what’s going on or so help me” look, he was more frightened of how little he knew about his own condition. 

When he returned from his reverie, he found that Connie had placed her hand on his and her gaze had softened. “You can tell me, Steven. Nothing you tell me could ever scare me away.” 

Steven laughed a little at that. “Are you sure?” His laugh brought a frown to her face. She could tell he’d been off since they’d gone to the roller rink, but now she could finally see he’d been falling apart for a while. “Because I honestly have no idea what’s going on with me.” 

Connie took those words in stride for the moment. “That pink power, how long has that been going on?” Steven bit his lip. She’d gut punched him with that question. 

“It started a while before we took Bismuth out to the roller rink,” He said, immediately thinking back to his fight with Jasper. “I went to talk to Jasper.” Her eyebrows went up at that. “I know, Amethyst thought it was a bad idea too.” 

“I’m guessing that didn’t go well.” Connie stated dryly. She had mixed feelings about Jasper. The fighter gem was stubborn as they came and still hadn’t made amends for trying to destroy Steven. Jasper was the first gem that had tried to kidnap Steven and that was the first time Connie had realized just how dangerous Steven’s fights with gems were. 

“Not exactly,” Steven said. “She refused to talk and then after we argued I decided to talk in her language.” Connie’s brow went up even further. 

“You mean you fought her?” The news that Steven had purposely picked a fight with Jasper wasn’t comforting considering Steven’s current state of mind or condition. “Why?” 

“I guess I needed to as much as she did,” Steven said, realizing as he spoke, the truth behind the statement. Priyanka was right. He must have been releasing the gem equivalent of cortisol. All this time he’d been still wanting to hit back, to feel like he could defend himself against non-existent enemies. “And while we were fighting the pink power came out. It wasn’t like any of the other powers and it was strong enough to knock through a bunch of trees.” 

Connie grew quiet, which scared Steven more than her having an angry or concerned outburst. Her silence continued for a minute, causing him to shift uncomfortably. “Connie?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Steven?” Connie asked, her voice flat now. He wanted nothing more than to disappear in shame over the look of hurt and disbelief she gave him. As he considered his answer, she still sat in silence. He felt guilt fill his body and before he could answer the monitors started beeping. 

Connie’s eyes shot to the heart rate monitor. It was rising at a steady rate and when she returned her attention to him, his skin was beginning to flicker like a pink glowing light switch. “Steven?” 

“I don’t know what this is,” Steven said and winced and clutched at his gem. The pink flickered again, causing him to convulse and the heart rate monitor to spike again and Connie sprinted out the door to look for help. Steven sucked in a breath and pulled down the blanket to look at his gem. It was sputtering worse than it had when Spinel had hit it with a rejuvenator. His fingers lightly touched the surface as though he were trying to comfort it. The gem glowed once more and he noticed a thin line, that from afar he thought was just a vein, but it magenta colored and had spread out like a bruise. 

The door to the room opened and Priyanka and two nurses entered with Connie behind, looking through the doorway. “Connie, wait here,” The older Maheswaran said and she approached Steven slowly. “Steven, you’re safe, nothing can hurt you here.” He nodded, though he wasn’t sure if he was able to believe it. As the door slowly closed, his eyes met Connie’s in a panicked plea for help. One he wasn’t sure even she could help him with. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

After pacing in the waiting room for almost an hour Connie found herself glaring at the double doors as if willing someone to come out and give her an update on how Steven was doing. Her mother had taken her back outside to the waiting room when it became clear that watching Steven almost pass out from stress was hurting the young woman as well. 

Connie had no idea what to do with the information Steven had given her. He wasn’t acting like his usual self, and moreover his new power was responding viscerally to his past trauma. Steven seemed to be aware of some of these feelings, but it not enough to figure out how to cope with them in a healthy way. He was falling apart, and she couldn’t do anything. 

The doors opened then, and Priyanka came out. Connie immediately bombarded her with questions. “How is he? Can I see him?” The doctor sighed. She couldn’t put this off any longer. No matter how much she wanted to let Connie try to tread this water out and ride the worst of the storm, it was time to lay down some hard life lessons. 

“No, not now, Connie,” Priyanka said gently. “He needs rest. And we need to have a conversation about what’s been going on.” Connie didn’t like the tone of her mother’s voice. All throughout Connie’s childhood Priyanka had prefaced either talks about punishments when Connie had done something wrong or when something horrible had happened with “we need to have a conversation.” 

“Okay,” Connie muttered, deflated and bracing herself for the worst. Priyanka put her arm around the smaller woman’s shoulders as they walked back towards the chairs. 

“Connie, look at me,” Priyanka said. The other reluctantly looked over. “I’m not mad. You haven’t done anything wrong. I’m so proud of the woman you’re growing into.” Connie’s mouth slid open a little at that. She hadn’t expected so much up-front praise from her mother. Yet, Connie could hear a massive “but” coming in her mother’s voice. 

“But,” Priyanka said, confirming Connie’s instincts. “This is too much for a teenager to deal with on her own.” She opened her mouth to try to object, to tell her mother that she was stronger, braver, and more capable than any other teen in her school. It was true too; she’d fought gem monsters at Steven’s side and helped save the galaxy. “This isn’t about your abilities, Connie.” That stopped any response Connie had prepared in her throat. 

“Steven has trauma he hasn’t fully processed. I’m not even sure how Greg let him go this long without some kind of therapy,” Priyanka’s face scrunched up at the thought. Connie felt bad for Greg. Her mother wasn’t going to go easy on him and she was force of nature when she decided to make her point known. “But he needs help from a professional.” She laid her hands on Connie’s now shaking shoulders. 

“I have to help him, Mom,” Connie said. “We’re best friends. What kind of friend am I if I can’t help him?” 

Priyanka shook her head, “You _are _helping him. Being here with him is helping, talking to him his helping. You’ve done everything you can. I’m sure Steven feels that way too,” She closed her eyes. This was going to be the hardest part. “But you can’t throw away your future because you want to fix him. He needs figure that out with help from a professional.”__

__“But, Mom,” Connie said._ _

__“Connie, do you think Steven would want you to stay here?” Connie knew her mother didn’t mean here in the hospital. A searing, sickening jolt filled her gut as she thought about how guilty Steven would feel if she refused to leave Beach City on his account. If she threw away her college opportunities just so she could try to be his knight. He wanted her to be happy. Even if he couldn’t quite express that sentiment right now, he was still Steven, her Steven. Sweet, caring, and selfless. No matter how bad things got, he would always want what was best for others._ _

__“No, he’d want me to go,” Connie said finally. He’d never forgive himself if I stayed. Steven had the world’s worst guilty conscience. Priyanka sat back and stood up._ _

__“I’ve already called your father to come pick you up,” Priyanka said. Connie’s eyes went wide, but she let out a sigh. She knew that this conversation was already over. “I want you to go home and sleep in a real bed. Sleeping on chairs isn’t good for your development or your health.”_ _

__“Yes, Ma’am.” Connie said defeatedly. Priyanka pulled Connie into a hug, which the younger woman reluctantly accepted._ _

__“I love you, Connie,” Priyanka said. “You can come back as soon as his condition stabilizes. Until then, I want you to focus on your studies.” Connie nodded mutely and looked up to see Doug coming down the hall._ _

__“Drive safely,” Priyanka said to Doug, then she headed back through the double doors. Connie shuffled over to her father._ _

__“Oh, Connie,” He said quietly, offering her a hug, which she took eagerly. “You know your Mom has your best interests at heart.” She pulled away and rubbed her eyes. It was finally sinking in how little sleep she’d gotten since she’d arrived._ _

__“I know,” Connie truly did. But knowing that did nothing to quell the fear slowly growing darker in her heart. The last thing she wanted to do was jeopardize her future, but a far worse potential destiny had cast a shadow over her head. She was a diligent student, dedicated, and she’d wanted nothing more than to go to college and someday change the world. She always had that desire, but it was Steven who gave her the courage to chase her dreams without looking back. She couldn’t lose her dreams. But more importantly, she couldn’t lose her best friend._ _

__As they drove away, Connie slipped into a restless slumber, a screaming pink and magenta colored horned monster crashed through every wall she threw up in front of Steven as he lay sleeping._ _


	5. Can You Hear Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Steven's condition worsens, everyone tries to find Steven some much needed professional help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone,
> 
> This chapter is going to follow some of the theories that have been floating around about the upcoming episodes. I wasn't sure about them at first, but this fic seemed to organically gravitate in that direction so I'm following it. I do plan to deviate in my own direction and I also have some ideas for a follow up sequel to lighten things up.
> 
> I know that the canon probably won't have time to cover a lot of Connverse given how few episodes are left and the direction of the plot. So this is my way of dealing with it. I also have other fics planned too, so if anyone else is in the same boat of wanting more potential fluff, I do plan to post more of that later in this story as well as others. 
> 
> This will likely be my last post before the next Steven Bomb, so thank you to everyone for reading and take care of yourselves as these episodes get into more trauma stuff. 
> 
> Enjoy and thanks as always for the ongoing kudos, support, and comments!

The beeping of the monitors finally settled, lulling Steven back into a quiet sense of numbness. After having what felt like dozens of people looking at him, running his bloodwork, his temperature and a lot of other things he wasn’t familiar with, he was finally alone. 

His hand once again gravitated to his gem. He continually ran his fingers over the cracks and crevices. It was strange to have something he was so familiar with feel so rough and jagged. After all the words of the nurses and doctors at the hospital had made him feel like the part organic he was, he almost forgot about the pink gemstone in his belly. Almost. 

As soon as the monitors went off and the magenta vein started to creep out from inside one of the cracks, his mind was back inside the crashed Dondai. Nothing could piece back his gem. The pieces were found, but who knew how to rearrange them like they were before? He didn’t. Something told Steven the Chrystal Gems didn’t either. 

He wanted to be able to talk to them normally again. Like he had when he was younger. But after creating Cactus Steven, he knew things were weird. Well, weirder than usual. Before he could just talk to them about what happened, and they’d eventually figure it out. But they’d changed. Pearl had her own thing going with some of the humans in Beach City. She was meeting people and doing a better job of socializing than Steven could. Amethyst had Little Homeschool, the Famethysts, and was confident as ever. Garnet was already a fusion, in love and had been for thousands of years. Ruby and Sapphire also had their own individual lives too. 

_So why can’t I?_

Steven clenched his fists and in the darkness of the room he could see his skin lighting up pink again. No, he had to calm down. Steven took a deep breath. The light slowly dissipated. He breathed a sigh of relief. He reached over for his cup of water and it slipped through his fingers and tipped over. The water trickled across the floor and seeped under the door. It then began to glow. Steven frowned. He sat up and as he shifted, he found that he no longer had an IV in his arm. 

He slowly made his way to the door and flung it open. He glanced up and down the hall. Not a single doctor or nurse was in sight. _That’s strange._ At the end of the hallway he saw a bright light. His legs began moving without his permission. As he neared the light, he found himself staring up at the towering form of a gem mutant. 

The mutant gurgled and swung its arms at Steven. He jumped back and summoned his shield. It flickered into existence for a split second before it vanished just moments before the monster slammed its arms down on top of Steven. The impact left him wheezing and the floor cracked. He clutched at his chest and scrambled backwards on his hands and knees. The mutant continued its pursuit, wailing, and slamming into the walls in its warpath. Steven could feel his breath quickening and his body began to glow. 

At the point of impact where the mutant had slammed Steven into the ground a pink splintering crack began to stretch and expand across the floor, splitting it in half, a dull growl emanating from deep below the pink crevices. His feet tried to carry him away, but he felt like his body was tethered to something in the hole. Fingers stretching out, he clawed across the floor on his stomach. His eyes cast upwards to meet those of a towering square jawed magenta and pink colored beast. Its nostrils flared and its eyes slowly lowered to meet Steven’s. The same round dark brown ones stared back at him. 

“No, no, no,” Steven muttered and finally managed to get up and he started running to the door but slipped and fell through the pink cracks. A pain shot through his body as he hit the floor. 

“Steven! Steven!” He blinked his eyes open, breathing heavily and frantically glancing around. A quick twist to the side and a small twinge of pain brought him back to where he was on the hospital bed. An IV was in his arm and he saw the cup of water was still sitting on the mobile hospital table. 

“Steven, are you alright?” Dr. Maheswaran’s concerned face was leaning over him. Steven let loose a ragged breath. 

“I’m fine, Dr. Maheswaran,” He lied. Maybe he could get past other people with his lies, but Dr. Maheswaran didn’t look convinced. 

“You were screaming in your sleep, Steven,” Priyanka said, tilting her head in a dubious manner. “There isn’t a single medical professional alive who would consider that a symptom of a healthy or normal person.” Of course, she didn’t believe him. Steven was starting to doubt his own assessments of his current state of mind. What was that thing? He knew what the gem mutant was. He’d d had nightmares of that mutant before. Though it hadn’t appeared much since he helped bubble the Cluster. 

“It’s nothing new,” Steven said and regretted it immediately. 

“You’ve had nightmares like this before?” Dr. Maheswaran repeated. She shook her head several times. It was becoming increasingly obvious that Steven was far from any kind of “fine”. As much as she hated to think it, especially as a medical professional, she was glad he was here in her care after the car accident. The boy needed a lot more help than she realized at first. 

“Um, yes?” Steven said, shrinking back into the bed a bit under her scrutiny. How did Connie deal with that stare for so many years? The more he got to know Dr. Maheswaran, the more Connie’s adherence to rules and strict diligence made sense. 

“Steven,” Dr. Maheswaran said, far more gently this time, because she saw how nervous he looked. “This is a serious health concern. You’ve been having nightmares and not dealing with your trauma for years. Hasn’t anyone suggested a therapist?” 

Steven shook his head. “The gems don’t know how to deal with mental health and Dad hasn’t been around for most of the stuff that happened. I don’t think any of them know how to deal with it.” Dr. Maheswaran didn’t look pleased, but she seemed to accept his answer for the time being. 

“I’m going to speak with your father about finding someone to work with you,” She said and then made her way to the door. “We’re going to get you through this.” Steven didn’t believe her but nodded. 

“Dr. Maheswaran?” 

“Yes, Steven?” She turned, taking in the teenage boy, who for the moment looked like a small child, timidly clutching at his bedsheets, scared of monsters under his bed. It took everything she had to not show the heartbreak she felt for him. 

“Please don’t tell Connie.” He pleaded with a slight aversion of his eyes. “If she knew what happened she’d never leave for college.” A pause followed as he added. “I can’t do that to her.” 

Dr. Maheswaran hid her conflicted feelings at that request behind her curt, professional, “I can’t under Doctor and Patient Confidentiality regulations. But that aside, you have my word.” She wondered if keeping it from her daughter, without the laws in place, was truly the right thing. For either of them. 

“Thank you.” Steven said and he closed his eyes. Not quite ready to sleep, but simply too exhausted to focus on anything for the moment. Dr. Maheswaran took that as her cue to leave. As she stood outside, she wondered who could possibly connect to someone who was half human and half a magical gem. That was probably why Steven hadn’t felt he could confide in anyone. Without anyone to look up to who was a hybrid, how would he know what he was supposed to be? 

This was going to require some research. Thankfully, Priyanka knew many people in her field who could help gather information and she could talk to Greg. Maybe human doctors couldn’t treat a gem, and maybe Priyanka only understood human anatomy to an extent. But Greg was an expert on Steven. 

\----------------------------------------------------------- 

Greg finished rinsing off the latest car to stop into “It’s A Wash” as another pulled up. He immediately recognized the make and license plate. With a sigh, he went to shut off the hose. As he made his way back, he saw Dr. Maheswaran, still in work clothes, waiting for him. 

“Hello Greg,” She said. No matter how many times he’d interacted with her, Greg had always felt nervous about Priyanka. After a while he found it was because they had polar opposite views on how to raise their kids. Though they’d found a middle ground in order for Connie and Steven to be able to spend time together. The other half was that Greg felt strange as someone who never finished school and Priyanka was an accomplished doctor with years of experience taking care of others. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time since Steven had turned out okay. But now that he saw her, he got the sense that maybe he’d missed something along the way. 

“Hello, Dr. Maheswaran,” Greg said with a smile. “I’m surprised to see you, uh, here. Is everything okay?” Asking about Steven’s condition directly or indirectly was becoming a routine question. 

Priyanka sighed and shook her head. “I’m afraid not.” She replied. Greg felt his face scrunch up as he mentally said, “Oh Boy.” 

“Are you aware that Steven has been having nightmares?” Priyanka asked. Greg’s nerves continued to flake under her gaze. She cut right to the chase. There was no beating around the bush with her. He could see where Connie got her direct and practical nature. 

“Um, sort of,” Greg admitted, rubbing his neck. He’d been around for a few of Steven’s dream episodes, like the one with Blue Diamond, and he’d heard some information in passing about Steven’s dream travels. But he’d been absent throughout most of Steven’s gem adventures and since the younger Universe lived in the Beach House, Greg hadn’t seen him sleeping in a long time. “I haven’t lived with him since he was a toddler.” 

“I see,” Dr. Maheswaran said. Greg smiled to hide how uncomfortable that calm response made him. “Well, he woke up screaming in the hospital.” Oh. So that’s why she was here. Greg sighed. He couldn’t blame her for wanting to talk to him. If anything, he was grateful. Why hadn’t Steven talked to him about that? 

“Steven needs to see a professional,” Dr. Maheswaran said plainly, “And I’m honestly surprised you haven’t brought him in sooner given both his abysmal mental and physical health.” Greg couldn’t argue, but he did feel somewhat defensive of his parenting job. 

“He’s half gem,” Greg said finally. “It was hard to cut into his training with the gems when I backed off to let them raise him. Maybe I should have been more involved. I guess it’s hard to know what to do when your son is fighting a war you’ve tried to stay out of.” 

Priyanka looked at him, as if truly seeing Greg Universe for the first time. War wasn’t something any parent should have to see their child be a part of. Steven, from what she knew now, didn’t have a choice. It was his inheritance from his gem side. All of this meant he had no time to pay attention to the human part. “Maybe you didn’t before. You had your reasons. But now he needs you. He needs human connections.” 

Greg sighed. “You’re right. I just don’t know who I can ask. He’s not like anyone else. I used to be able to help him. He’d always talk to me…” His voice trailed off. Priyanka stepped forward. 

“I came here because I don’t know Steven as well as Connie does or you do,” Priyanka said. “I can say what’s wrong with his human body, but as for what’s going on in his mind…” She sighed and gestured to the empty air. 

“He’s had to be a leader for so long,” Greg said, clutching at his shirt, guilt eating away at him. “I don’t know if he knows how to just a kid or a teen.” Priyanka nodded. From what she knew about Steven, he’d been forced into an adult situation more times as a child than should have been allowed. It wasn’t healthy. 

“We can’t change what happened,” Priyanka said. “No matter how much either one of us wants to.” She held out a piece of paper. “What we can do is help him now. I’ve drawn up a list of local therapists I can refer him to.” 

Greg rubbed his neck. He wasn’t sure if Steven would open up to a total stranger. He was incredibly open with his heart, but lately he’d been hiding his feelings. Even from those closest to him. 

“I guess it’s worth a shot?” Greg said. He thought for a moment. “I don’t think he’ll open up to just anyone right now though. He’s scared.” Priyanka’s mind went back to how she left him in his room, curled up on his hospital bed, shaking. 

“Is there something that helps him relax?” She asked. Greg’s mind immediately filled with memories of him singing to Steven as a child. It had worked during the Diamond attack a few years ago to help Steven enter his dream state. Music had always had a positive effect on Steven. 

“I think I know someone who can help,” Greg said after a minute. “I’ll talk to Steven.” 

\--------------------------------------------------- 

Connie couldn’t focus. After coming home from the hospital, she’d tried to study to no avail. All she could think about was the monster she’d seen in her dreams. It seemed familiar somehow, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. 

Moreover, Steven’s condition was getting worse. And she felt responsible for not taking the time to talk to him after he proposed. While she wouldn’t have changed her answer, they were too young and that was simply a fact, she should have stayed with him. He was suffering and she hadn’t noticed right away. Her mother tried to assuage her that she wasn’t responsible for Steven’s current state, but the younger Maheswaran knew that she hadn’t helped. Steven felt like he was losing the people in his life. 

She thought he was fine. He’d always been so upbeat about changes, pushing for them with the gems even. But now it was making him feel alone. Connie let her pencil drop into the spine crease as it lay open on her desk. He used to be able to confide in her about anything. She thought she knew how his mind worked. It was clear now that Steven was struggling with something even she couldn’t understand. She wanted to, but with how she’d made him feel with the rejection, she was probably hurting him. That much was obvious from the checkup and the spikes in his heart rate just now at the hospital. 

Every part of her wanted to go to him, to hug him, to hold him, and tell him everything would be okay. 

_But it’s not okay._

_We’re not okay._ Connie thought back to the lessons she’d learned when dealing with bad experiences as a fusion. It wasn’t that different from how friends, siblings, and couples dealt with their shared painful experiences. And she had experienced many painful things with Steven at her side. 

_He’s been doing it for longer._

She leaned her head on her hands. Steven had been fighting for years before she even started training with him. Even when the first met she hadn’t begun to fight at his side. There were so many incidents that she couldn’t have protected him from. 

_You can’t save him from everything._

Not even Garnet’s Future Vision could predict every possible outcome of life. She couldn’t see how Steven would fall apart the way he was now. Humans were wonderfully random. Changing, evolving, and dynamic. Gems never aged. That’s why marriage would work for Ruby and Sapphire no matter what “age” they seemed to be. But Connie was human. She wanted her life. She didn’t want to know every outcome before it happened. There was a beauty in uncertainty, no matter how scary it appeared at first. 

_You can’t stop the flow of time. Growth happens with or without you._

Maybe that’s why Steven was so scared. People were changing without him. Connie sat back in her chair and glanced over at her bulletin board. There, surrounded by college pamphlets, her cram school schedule, notes on her study materials, and the occasional reminder, was an old photo. In it she stood with Steven, holding two donuts over his eyes to make “glasses” and grinning brightly like he’d swallowed the sun. To his left Connie was sheepishly smiling, his arm around her. She’d been so shy back then. Steven was ready to plow through any task and pull her along with him. 

He had too. Nothing could have compelled her to dance in public before she met him. But he had taken her hands, shown her she could just dance, just move, and just be. Existing was okay, taking up space and having her own rhythm was not only okay, it was liberating. 

The donut lenses Steven held up were gone now. He could barely see in front of him. She’d felt that way for so long. Lost, unsure, constantly treading water and expecting to drown. At the Beach the day they met, she almost had drowned, they’d sunk to the bottom of the ocean and thought she’d never come back up. 

“I’m sorry you had to get stuck with me.” Steven had said. Even then he felt sorry for making her feel like she _had _to be with him. She didn’t have to.__

__**But she wanted to.** _ _

___How could you not?_ _ _

__“ _You’re_ important to me!” She’d exclaimed when he tried to brush off talking about his feelings. He’d been that way for a long time. With Unfamiliar Familiar he’d tried to pretend he didn’t like the wedding scene just to make her happy. When was he going to realize that him ignoring his own feelings was never going to make her happy? _ _

___When he realizes it doesn’t make him happy either._ _ _

__Snap! Connie closed the book with a loud snap that reverberated throughout her room. She stood up; her eyes filled with fiery resolve. She’d been there for enough of Steven’s dream adventures to know there was no such thing as an accidental dream. That monster, whatever it was, had something to do with Steven._ _

__**Or it’s everything to do with Steven.** _ _

__\------------------------------------------------------------------_ _

__A soft pink light filtered through the door, casting the entire hospital room in a purple haze when combined with the cool light of the lamps in Steven’s room. His eyes fluttered open. He sat up, his eyes flicking to his arm once more. The IV was still there. But he could still feel his body tensing, the pink glow vanished from the doorway, traveling across the room and settling over his head. He once again pulled back the covers and saw that the magenta bruise had begun to spread further._ _

__Cold waves of fear flooded his senses and he tried to move. He had to get away. A quick tug of his left arm freed it from the sling it was in. He began to claw at the bandages and as he peeled back the first layer, he saw that there was a dark liquid seeping through. Dread and panic drove him to continue to get through, to free his arm._ _

___You can’t go back after this, Steven._ __

___**You have to stop.**_ _ _

__He ignored the warning in his mind, wherever that was coming from and with a yelp of pain, ripped the last wrap off his skin. Purple leathery scaled skin lined where he could see his bone had shattered. Where the hinge between his lower and upper arm should have been was a round horn. Splotches of discolored skin surrounded it. He knew what this was._ _

__Steven sucked in a breath and with a grunt, pulled out the IV. The monitors began beeping again and his skin glowed bright pink. A roar shook the room, shattering the windows. Steven glanced around, looking for a sign that this was another dream, another warning, but as he moved towards the mirror by the sink, he could see the eyes of the monster staring back at him._ _


	6. Ineradicable Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie arrives to try to help Steven, perhaps a moment too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All,
> 
> SPOILER WARNING IN MY NOTE FOR "MR. UNIVERSE" AND "FRAGMENTS" 
> 
> \-------
> 
> So, I'm sure many of you share my intense feelings about the latest SUF episodes. I had to think about the results of "Fragments" when I was writing this because it changes what I think may have in the four episode finale. I think the idea that the worst thing for Steven isn't corruption necessarily, but changing who he is at his core as a catalyst for corruption. This is the idea I decided to run with in this chapter, so it gets kinda dark and has blood/ violence descriptions. 
> 
> I do plan to eventually bring this back to a more upbeat ending, but I think both in canon and in my writing I like to have characters ride out their arcs to full fruition. I think the last two episodes did a nice job writing wise of actually creating a meaningful "at stake" conflict. Anyways, I won't go on about that here, but feel free to send me a PM or comment if you'd like to discuss the episodes further. 
> 
> I apologize that this chapter was a little shorter. I'm still processing the episodes and figuring out how to write the upcoming chapters here given the new canon information. 
> 
> As always, I appreciate all the support, comments, kudos, and energy from you all. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Steven sucked in a deep breath. Maybe he could stop it. Jasper had fought it, right? Discoloration was spreading. He couldn’t let it consume him. Not now. The last thing he needed was a reminder that he couldn’t be human because of the rock weighing down his every thought, decision, and his very identity. 

Still the scaled face stared back at him. Magenta creeping across his body. _No, not mine. This can’t be mine._

The door started to open with a low creak and Steven flinched, backing away. No one could see him like this. 

“Steven?” The door opened a crack and he continued to back away. As the door swung open, tiny white butterflies scattered across the room. Connie stood in the doorway, Lion right behind her. 

“Connie… you have to go,” Steven said, still moving away. “I can’t control this…” She didn’t move. 

“You don’t have to hide from me, Steven,” She stepped closer. Lion growled a warning but didn’t make any sudden moves. She placed a hand on the cat’s head. 

“Get back!” Steven cried, bringing his arm up to shield himself and the pink glow flared, and he let out a wail as horns ripped through his back and his now oversized, still growing body smashed into the lights. The lights sparked and then sent electric currents through the walls. 

Steven’s eyes widened, and he leapt forward, his skin glowing pink, Connie and Lion frozen in place as his speed increased. The electric currents shot their way across the floor towards Connie. He slid down and bucked her up onto his back as his legs struck the ground where the current flowed. Waves of electricity fueled by the pink gem energy slammed through him repeatedly and with a low moan he collapsed. The pink glow dissipated and the current also seemed to vanish as well. The lights hung from the ceiling, burnt to a crisp now. Time returned to normal and Connie looked around in confusion. 

“Steven?” Connie shook him. He didn’t move. “Steven?” Panic set in then. She slowly slid off his back and pushed hard against him to roll him over. “Lion, help me move him.” The pink Lion growled and nosed Steven. Together they shifted him onto his side. She began to press against his chest, attempting the CPR compressions her mother had taught the smaller Maheswaran from a young age. It was harder on Steven’s now massive scaled chest, but as Lion leaned in his own weight, she heard Steven cough and then his eyes blinked open. 

“Connie?” He stretched out his hand. “What are you doing here? What about-” 

She shook her head. “You’re more important than whatever you’re about to say, Steven. I need you to start to believe that for yourself.” He lifted a hand and sighed as he saw it still hadn’t returned to human skin. 

“It’s not safe,” He said, then coughed, clutching at his chest. It was sore and he slumped back down against the floor when he couldn’t hold himself up any longer. “ _I’m_ not safe.” Connie frowned at him. 

“So, what? I’m supposed to just leave you here?” Connie sighed, running a hand over her face. Steven hacked another cough and grimaced as the magenta colored scaly skin spread further over his body. The pink glow flickered, and Steven let out a cry as his tail bone stretched and a long-scaled tail curled out onto the floor. Connie grabbed Steven’s hand, the only one still human looking, and squeezed it. 

“You have to fight this, Steven,” Connie said. He shook his head. Nothing could have prepared her for this. Connie had trained with Steven for years, Pearl had given them every scenario that could possibly arise in combat, had drilled every strike, parry, and given them strategy lessons. None of those things applied here. 

Fighting an enemy was easy compared to helping a friend fight their own insecurities. At least an enemy would eventually give up. Somehow there was always a way to work around an enemy’s weak points. She knew Steven better than he knew himself in many regards, yet she didn’t see a single way to get past his defenses. He’d been hiding behind a wall of regrets, shame, and lack of direction for so long that he couldn’t even recognize how suffocating it was. He’d allowed it to cave in on him. 

“There’s nothing left to fight for,” Steven’s raspy voice had lost any of the sounds Connie had come to associate with Steven. It was dry, flat, burned out, and lacking any kind of passion. When she thought of Steven’s voice it reminded her of harmony, balance, and celebration of all the small joys in life. He cared deeply about the tiny details in life. He’d kept the glow bracelet in his freezer for over a year in hopes he would see her again after she dropped it. Anyone else could have thrown it away or just left it on the ground. But he waited for her. 

“Connie, look at me,” Steven said, bringing her attention to the present. His hands, one clawed and scaly, and one human hold hers, lightly, so he wouldn’t puncture her skin. She looked at him. 

“We can fix this,” She said. 

“Really look at me,” He insisted. She ran her eyes across the foreign body of a creature she didn’t recognize, but one that was now inexplicably part of her best friend. He shifted and sat up so he could look into her eyes. For a moment his dark brown ones stared back at Connie, full of the big-hearted care he always took when it came to her. Everything he did for her was tender, attentive, and this was no different. Even as he was pushing her away, he held her close in his eyes, treasuring every second she was with him. 

“I am,” She said, and her eyes shone back at him the same way they had when he was serenading her before his proposal. There was a loud yell in the hall that broke through the moment and footfalls thudded down the hall. Before either of them could say anything further, three hospital security guards clomped into the doorway and aimed their weapons at Steven. 

“Stay where you are!” One commanded. Steven retreated, his body glowing as fear set back in. 

“Wait, he’s not-” Connie tried to step in front of the guards, but they pushed her aside. 

“We’ve got this handled, stay back,” The guard said, stepping forward and aiming a gun right at Steven’s head. 

“He’s a patient!” Connie cried, but her words had no effect as the guards continued to advance. Her eyes flicked to Steven, who was shaking and glowing brighter by the second. He regarded the guards and as one of them extended his hand, it turned white, clamping around Steven’s form. 

He shook his head violently and let out a roar. The remaining glass in the room shattered, the floor cracked and crumbled, and his tail swung out, sending one of the guards into the wall where he smacked his head and then crumpled on the floor. Connie’s eyes widened at the sight. Her eyes slowly returned to Steven, who was now tall enough to rip through the ceiling. He slowly unfurled his body from where he crouched in the back of the room and drew up to his full height. 

The monster from her dream stared back at her. “Steven.” She whispered. An agonized roar shook the building, causing the room to crack more. “Steven, stop!” His growl sent cold shivers down her back. The brown eyes were gone completely now. One of the guards was checking on the one Steven had thrown and as they stood back, Connie saw the blood on their fingers from checking the other guard’s pulse. The second was now on a radio as the one with the bloodied fingers lifted the gun once more. 

Connie’s scream pierced the air as the bang of the gun whipped through the air and struck Steven in his enormous chest. Two diamond shaped eyes flicked down to the guard and his body glowed as an array of panel shield appeared in the sky. They glowed almost to white as they pointed down at the three humans below. 

“Oh, Steven.” Connie’s voice barely made it past her lips before Lion grabbed her and yanked her, along with the two guards into a portal. 

Seconds after the portal ring vanished the place where the hospital room had been was a smoking, charred, bare skeleton of the structure it was. The beast had trudged away, time slowing as his body moved beyond the speed of the world around him. 

\------------------------------------------------- 

Lion skidded to a stop, sending sand flying as they stopped in front of the Beach House. They’d dropped off the guards at the far end of the hospital and no words were exchanged. The guards were too shocked and confused to say anything and Connie couldn’t say she felt any different. 

This was their fault. Steven was coming back around. Now, he wouldn’t even be able to recognize himself. They’d forced his hand. A patient, a teenager boy, who just happened to be unfortunate enough to be half gem and look like a monster to them. They made him a monster. 

Connie gritted her teeth. Lion grunted, bumping her side. Her anger slid away as she smiled at the pink cat. “Thank you, Lion,” She said. “You saved me.” Her eyes went to the sky where, in the far distance she could see the silhouette of a giant creature stomping around Beach City. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and walked up the steps to the Beach House. As soon as she entered, Pearl and Amethyst looked up. 

“Connie, it’s so nice to-” Pearl started and then as soon as she saw the pained expression on her pupil’s face and the state of Connie’s clothes, she stopped. “What happened?” 

“It’s Steven,” Connie said, sniffing and looking into Pearl’s concerned blue eyes. “He’s corrupted.” 

Amethyst and Pearl exchanged looks. “Corrupted?” Amethyst repeated. 

“Where is he now?” Pearl asked, making sure to be gentle given Connie’s unsteady state. How could she have let this happen? Steven needed her. She’d let those guards threaten him. They’d shot him. Forced him to kill someone. 

“He’s walking around in town,” Connie murmured, sinking onto the couch. Amethyst scrutinized the girl. 

“Connie, what happened back there?” Amethyst asked. The teen couldn’t look at the purple gem. As if avoiding saying what happened could erase the truth of it. 

“The hospital security guards saw Steven as a corrupted monster,” Connie said slowly. They must have been trained to respond to gems after the mutants attacked the hospital those years ago. “And he got scared. I tried to tell them to back off, that he was a patient, but they wouldn’t listen.” Connie’s voice shook and she buried her face in her hands. 

“Did they hurt him?” Amethyst’s eyes darkened. Pearl stood stock still, her hands rising slowly to cover her mouth as Connie’s story unfolded. 

“They aimed their weapons at him and scared him,” Connie continued. “And he panicked. He hit one of the guards with his tail.” 

“Tail?” Pearl blurted. “You mean he’s like one of the monsters Jasper caught?” 

"Steven’s not a monster!” Connie snapped, standing up, fists clenched at her sides. Both Chrystal gems took steps back at the outburst. “Those guards...” Her fists quaked with rage as she glared out the window in the direction of the hospital. “They shot him. They tried to kill him just because he looked like a monster.” Her eyes burned as she looked back up at Steven’s caretakers. 

“They tried to kill him,” She spat, “He’s walking around with a bullet wound and in pain because they couldn’t listen!” A hand fell on her shoulder. Connie turned to find Amethyst standing behind her. 

“They were wrong,” The purple gem said coolly, her own eyes reflecting the fury Connie felt so viscerally. “Dead wrong.” With another sniff, Connie nodded gratefully to Amethyst. 

The shorter purple gem was probably the only one out of the three who would get how angry Connie was. Pearl was too strategically practical, motherly, and while Ruby would probably charge in, gem weapons blazing, to exact revenge on anyone who messed with her family, Sapphire would opt to respond in a passive manner. It was hard to say how Garnet would react given the dichotomy of her counterparts. Both loved Steven more than anything. He was their charge, their student, and their family. 

“We have to go get him,” Connie said. “He’s out there on his own. No one will understand that he’s hurt and needs help.” Amethyst punched her open hand. 

“Then let’s go get him.” Amethyst said. 

“Hold on,” Pearl said, stepping in between the other two. “We need to make a plan.” When she saw Connie’s objection forming, the mentor put a hand on her mentee’s shoulder. 

“Connie, I know you want to help Steven, but he’s not himself right now,” Pearl said, trying to keep the true fears of what was happening out of her voice. “If we’re going to help him, we need to try to get everyone out of the way first.” Connie paused and then sighed. Pearl was right. If anyone saw him, they’d just react the same as those guards. Someone else could be hurt. 

“We’ll issue an evacuation,” Connie said. “It’s the only way to make sure no one else can get close enough to scare him.” Pearl smiled in approval. Amethyst grunted. She wanted to knock those guards around for hurting Steven. He was like a brother to her. They had more in common than Garnet and Pearl did. It was hard to compare to Pearl, who had years of experience fighting with Rose Quartz and Garnet, who had the power of two gems who were a force to be reckoned with. 

The Worst Gems had to stick together. Steven was hurt and someone had to pay for it. “I’ll be back.” Amethyst snarled and was out the door before Pearl could get a word in edgewise. 

“Oh, Amethyst,” Pearl sighed, her eyes wide with concern. Their purpose as Chrystal Gems was to protect the Earth and everyone on it. But Amethyst was seeing red. Her family had been hurt. That was a line that simply didn’t get crossed. She didn’t have much in the way of connections before she met the Chrystal Gems and soon, she had Steven too. The two had trained together, she’d helped raise him from infancy. She may not have understood humans, but she did understand Steven. 

He deserved better than to be treated like a monster after everything he did for Beach City. For Earth. 

_Hang on, Steven. I’ve got your back._


	7. Better Jams, Better Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and the gems go to find Steven. Greg reunites with an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All,
> 
> I know the last chapter was super intense, but this one is going to make up for it. There is some light fluff at the end of this chapter and things will start to get less intense as these chapters go on. 
> 
> I also have a sequel planned out. I'm not sure how much of it I will be able to start before my college classes begin again on the 30th, but we'll have to see. 
> 
> I am also happy to announce this chapter will feature a non-binary OC I decided to create for this fic. The sequel will also feature more trans and queer characters as well. 
> 
> Thank you again for all your comments, kudos, and support for this fic. Since this is my first fic for SU I was nervous about it sounding right with the canon. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm going to take a break from this fic tomorrow to work on some belated submissions to Jam Bud Week, so look for that tomorrow and over the next week. 
> 
> I will also be taking a brief break next week to catch up on my She-Ra fic "Albatross" so I appreciate your patience on the updates. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It didn’t take long before Amethyst realized she had no idea where she was going. She’d stormed out of the Beach House on a mission to hunt down and give a good old fashioned Quartz style beatdown on the guards who messed with Steven, but she’d gotten as far as the Big Donut when it hit her that she didn’t know exactly where the guards lived. Beach City wasn’t that big. But Amethyst didn’t know many of the humans outside of those Steven had introduced her to. Granted, she knew far more since Little Homeschool was founded, but she didn’t know every single face. 

Her mind also drifted away from her anger long enough for her to feel like her instincts were wrong. Steven was hurting, no, he was hurt. He’d been hurting for a long time. She groaned as she thought about how uncertain he sounded when they’d talked about his future not too long ago. He’d tried to take over her GHEM program because he felt like the gems were acting too much like they had on Homeworld. Amethyst smacked herself in the head mentally. It wasn’t about _them_ ; Steven was the one who didn’t want to go back to how things were before. 

How had she missed all the signs? Steven had been growing more distant, he hadn’t been talking to Amethyst the way he had before. Then he had that cactus who had been parroting everything he’d been saying to himself. They were all anxious, guilt ridden, and downtrodden thoughts. She remembered commenting on how the cactus had been “down on itself”. 

“I am such an idiot,” She muttered to herself. Steven hadn’t been himself in months and she hadn’t done a damn thing about it. She kicked a rock and it skidded across the concrete of the Big Donut’s patio. Some friend she’d been to Steven lately. 

Of all the Chrystal Gems she should have seen the signs of his insecurities. After all, she’d felt all the same things once too. She didn’t have a purpose, she felt responsible for the crimes Homeworld had committed against the Earth and didn’t feel like she belonged. Little Homeschool was the beginning of her feeling like her mission as a Chrystal Gem was coming to full circle. She’d spent thousands of years bubbling, protecting, and caring for broken and corrupted gems. Now they were finding their paths just as she had. 

Steven had tried to do the same. But he wasn’t a gem. He had Rose’s gem, but it wasn’t the same as being a full gem. Gems were created with defined purposes. Even if as a Chrystal gem she’d deviated from hers, she still knew that she was a gem to her hard gemstone core. 

The same couldn’t be said for Steven. He’d always be floating in the middle, never able to plant his feet on the ground. Amethyst dragged her fingers through her hair and sighed. The guards may have been the ones to cause the final break, but Steven had been feeling split for far longer than anyone bothered to see. She’d sworn to protect the Earth and its inhabitants. That included the guards, and it included Steven. 

A roar turned her head and she saw the towering beast Connie had described. “Steven.” He was part of Earth too. 

“Earth is my home too; don’t I get to protect it?” He’d asked during Jasper’s invasion. They’d let him be a defender. No one could have stopped him. It was in his blood, in his essence as a human born of the Earth and the son of the former leader of the Chrystal Gems. 

Amethyst knew how hard it was for someone to tell her how wrong she was, how she didn’t have a place among the gems she’d been created with. Her Famethyst family had shown her that not even one of them were the same. Even among gems, nothing stayed the same. Intended purposes were thrown out the window when Rose Quartz dared to decide gems could be something other than who they were born as. 

Humans were the true inspiration behind that. Steven wasn’t an exception. He was the proof that humans and gems could coexist. _But he wasn’t happy,_ Amethyst thought. How long had that been going on for? Amethyst mussed her own hair in frustration. She looked up at the giant beast and could see the fear in the eyes as they glanced frantically around the Boardwalk. She leapt up and then rolled herself into a spinning ball as she sped over to him. She stopped a couple blocks short of where he stood. 

Her movements slowed and she cautiously approached him. When she was close enough to touch his leg, she cupped her hands around her mouth, “Yo, Steeman!” 

The beast tilted his head in confusion and looked around. Amethyst shook her head and prodded his leg. The eyes flicked down to where she stood. Steven took a step back and then leaned down. 

“Hey, Big Guy,” She said, gently touching his face. Steven let out a low moan. “What’s going on with you?” The purple gem watched as his eyes continued to search the area, as if he were searching for attackers. “Connie told us what happened.” That got his attention. His eyes met hers. 

“Amethyst,” A voice, so garbled and full of fear and pain, that Amethyst hardly recognized it as Steven’s, spoke, “Where are they?” 

The purple Chrystal gem tilted her head, not quite understanding his disjointed words. He then let out a wail. Amethyst had her whip out as she sought out the source of the pain. She looked behind Steven’s legs. On the other side she could see a bunch of uniformed police officers. From their appearance, they looked like they were from the State patrol and not local. So, they wouldn’t know what was going on. 

Amethyst jogged around Steven’s leg and cracked her whip in front of the troopers to stop them from continuing to open fire on Steven. “Hey! Knock that off or I’ll make you.” She snapped. The troopers lowered their weapons slightly. 

“This is Chrystal gem business,” Amethyst said. “Get lost.” The troopers looked perplexed. 

“Gem Business?” 

“Yeah, as in aliens like me with gems in their bodies business,” Amethyst said and gestured to her gem. “Now beat it.” 

“We were called in to help-” 

“And a bangup job you’ve done of it,” Amethyst said with an eyeroll. “You’re obviously not from around here. So, let me fill you in: Gem business is handled by us, the Chrystal Gems, and this guy,” She jerked her thumb at Steven, who was backing away, tail between his legs. “Is one of us.” 

The troopers didn’t look convinced, but they also saw her whip wasn’t going anywhere. “Well, I guess we better check with the Mayor.” 

“Ya think?” Amethyst bit back. The troopers then holstered their weapons and began to make their way towards the Mayor’s office. Amethyst then turned around to walk back towards Steven. He was shaking. 

“Hey, Guy,” Amethyst said gently, “It’s going to be okay.” She tried to touch his leg, but he backed away even more. “Steven?” 

She glanced around when she felt someone watching. One of the troopers was still standing there, gun drawn. _Oh, for f-…_ Amethyst began to march over when the Trooper raised the gun. Her whip cracked and knocked the gun out of the hand of the trooper. As the gun clattered to the ground, a low rumble and boom shook the Boardwalk as Steven tried to ram through a building. It cracked the wall enough that he was able to run through the hole he’d made. 

The magenta beast scrambled away, roaring in agony as he slammed into random buildings and sent people running in fear of being trampled. This wasn’t working. Amethyst pulled out her cell. She was glad now that gems were learning how to use technology. “Hey, it’s Amethyst,” She looked through the creature shaped hole in the remains of the building in front of her to see Steven galloping away. “I need help down here,” She paused, “Steven needs our help.” 

\------------------------------------------------------- 

“Oh, no.” The words barely made it out of Greg’s mouth as he stood outside of the hospital, staring at the remains of the room where Steven was staying cast in the flickering lights of the fire trucks. Hospital personnel gathered around the area as well, providing their accounts of what they’d seen or heard. 

Next to him stood a person with a medium build, a stylist black vest over a blue collared shirt, bright teal hair down to their shoulder with yellowish streaks, a dark skirt and a pair of round glasses. A black leather guitar case with an absurd amount of brightly colored stickers hung over their shoulder. Greg made his way back to where the person stood. 

“I’m sorry, Max,” He said with a sigh. “I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe you should go back to the hotel. This looks like it could be an all-night thing.” Max shifted their guitar case back up their arm with a shake of their head. 

“You asked me to talk to your son. ” Max’s eyes flicked to the charred structure of the building in front of them. “If he’s not here then we’ll just have to go find him.” Greg rubbed the back of his neck. 

“This has to be the weirdest thing you’ve seen, huh?” Greg asked. Max smiled. 

“After rooming with you in college, I sincerely doubt that,” Max said with a smirk, elbowing Greg. The brown-haired man chuckled and nudged them back. They both looked up as Priyanka made her way over from where she had been consulting with other staff members. 

“Well, they couldn’t tell me much,” Priyanka said with some exasperation. “But apparently someone called security when they heard noises coming from Steven’s room.” Greg’s face paled. She put a hand on his shoulder and Max furrowed their brow. 

“Why would they do that?” Greg exclaimed. Priyanka shook her head. 

“I don’t know. And I plan to find out who was responsible,” She gave Greg a sympathetic look. Steven was already in bad shape when his father last saw the younger Universe. Every possible worst-case scenario must be running through his father’s mind. Priyanka knew how that was with Connie whenever she’d go off somewhere. But she also knew she had to start trusting her daughter to take care of herself soon. Connie was only a few years from leaving for college. It was only a matter of time before she left. 

Greg’s phone buzzed and he picked it up. “Hello?” His eyes shot wider and he clutched at his arm. “What? When?” 

Priyanka waited until Greg had hung up to ask the question on both her mind and Max’s. “Is it Steven?” Greg’s fear-stricken face told Priyanka everything before he even started to explain. 

“Steven’s been corrupted,” Greg bit down hard on his lip, “The gems and Connie are on their way to town to try to calm him down, but he’s scared.” He grabbed Priyanka’s shoulders. “What’s happening to my son?!” 

Max touched Greg’s shoulder lightly and he let go of Priyanka. “The gems are with him. From what you’ve told me, they’re well versed in dealing with unusual gem situations. We’ll take my car over and support them.” 

Greg nodded. “Right, right,” He muttered. His breath slowed. Priyanka frowned as she looked him over. 

“Greg, when you come back, I want to see you in my office. The stress you and Steven have been through is intense and I want to make sure you aren’t sustaining any lasting damage from it,” Priyanka said. Greg nodded, though he was barely processing what she was saying. The doctor turned to Max, who appeared calm. 

“Are you sure you can help?” Priyanka asked. Max smiled. “This is a bit much, even for me. And I’ve seen some strange things here in Beach City and in the hospital.” 

Max didn’t respond right away, instead looking out at the sky. “Dr. Maheswaran, I’m sure in your line of work you’ve dealt with some unusual things.” They traced a finger along one of the stickers on their guitar case. “But in my work, everything is unusual. Or rather, normalcy is subjective. Maybe I’ve never had a patient who was part gem and human.” They paused, tapping the sticker they’d traced. Priyanka’s eyes looked down at the text on it: Life is weird. Live it to the Fullest. She smiled wryly, never one for pep talks or inspirational posters. She was more interested in cold facts. But not all people could be broken down to just their anatomy. “I’ve talked to many people who feel they don’t feel connected to the homes they grew up in. The families they were raised by. I don’t think Steven’s situation is any different because he’s still human in his mind. We all need the same love and compassion.” 

Priyanka hummed thoughtfully. This was someone that Steven didn’t know, who could offer an objectively neutral insight into his situation. Max was also, from what Greg had told her, a music therapist. 

“Well, you’ve given me a lot to think about,” Priyanka admitted, offering her hand to them. “I certainly hope you can help Steven.” Max took the outstretched hand. 

“We shall see,” Max said pensively. They couldn’t be sure what Steven’s reaction might be. Having a total stranger give you advice was always strange. But if experience in providing therapy to a wide range of clients had taught Max anything, it’s that most people want someone to talk to. Many wouldn’t open up when it’s demanded. But allow someone to feel relaxed, safe, free of judgement and expectations, and they’re suddenly a burst dam of information. 

Greg and Max parted ways from Priyanka, who gave Greg strict instructions to take Connie home when he saw her. While Greg felt uncomfortable trying to play the parent to the younger Maheswaran, he understood why Priyanka was concerned. Steven’s condition likely would get worse before it got better. 

“Max,” Greg said, his voice quivering with uncertainty as they climbed into the van. “Will… will…” 

Max’s green eyes met Greg’s dark fear filled ones, “Steven get better?” The nervous father nodded. 

“That depends on Steven,” Max admitted. “He has to be ready to admit there’s a problem in order to fix it. Once he does…” The music therapist closed their eyes and thought for a moment. “Yes, in time, he will get better at coping.” Seeing that this was the closest to comfort as he was going get for the time being, Greg started the van and they started off towards the Boardwalk. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“Damn, he’s fast,” Amethyst breathed as she hovered, shapeshifted into a helicopter with Pearl inside the purple gem’s head, flying over the town as they followed Steven’s path of panicked destruction. By this point the town had been mostly evacuated per Nanafua’s orders, and the troopers were keeping their distance, lest they incur Amethyst or Lion’s wrath. 

“I guess my speed drills worked,” Pearl said, simultaneously pleased and annoyed. “Though he didn’t learn how to smash buildings from me.” 

Amethyst blew a low, “Cha, no kidding. I don’t even smash things that bad.” She then refocused her attention on the beast sprinting ahead of her. Below Connie rode Lion and they jumped portals, hoping to get out ahead of Steven’s path. 

“You okay down there, Connie?” Amethyst called. The teenager gave the purple gem a thumbs up as they leapt into another portal. This time they exited a few feet in front of Steven, and he ground to halt to avoid crushing them with his enormous clawed feet. 

“Steven, stop,” Connie said gently, just loud enough for him to look at her. “I know you’re scared.” She slid off Lion. “But no one is going to hurt you anymore.” She started to walk towards him, but he let out a low growl and backed up. Her movements stopped as she recognized his need for space. 

The air around her whipped dust into the air as Amethyst landed behind Lion. Pearl disembarked and Amethyst shapeshifted back into her normal form. “Hey Steeman,” The purple gem said. “We’re all here for you. I know we haven’t been there when you needed us before. And I’m sorry I didn’t see what was going on. We’re bad at this.” 

“I’m sorry too,” Pearl said. “I guess I thought after all this time I understood humans as much as I could. But I’m still learning.” Connie’s eyes went from the two gems to Steven, who was still watching them with apprehension, but he wasn’t trying to run away. _Well, that’s progress,_ Connie thought grimly. She held out her hand to the gems to signal they stay put as she slowly moved forward. Steven’s paws shifted back, his eyes widening in alarm. 

“It’s me, Steven,” Connie said. He’s running on pure instincts and emotions now. There’s barely any sign of recognition of language in his eyes. _But he’s in there somewhere. I just have to figure out how to reach him._

“Do you remember our Jam Buds song?” She said. Steven cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. She began to sing it, though her voice was cracking with how parched her throat was and the pain as she watched him retreating into himself created in her gut. 

“The sun is bright, our shirts are clean,” She sang. Steven let out a low whimper and buried his head behind his claws. Connie sniffed, every part of her heart breaking as she listened to him. “We’re sitting up above the sea.” Steven moaned and nipped at the wound in his chest. Connie wanted to go over and tend to it, but she doubted he would let her near him. 

“Come on… come on... and share this…” Her voice broke and she caught her tears before they fell. Pearl placed a hand on her pupil’s shoulder. The air grew silent and Connie started when she heard the scuffing of shoes behind her. 

“You might need this.” She turned to see a stranger with dyed hair and a guitar extended to her. Behind them stood Greg with a concerned gaze fixated on Steven. Connie took the proffered guitar. She hadn’t ever played one, though she’d seen Steven do it enough times to know how it worked in general. She did have experience with string instruments like the violin. 

It was going to have to be enough. “Thanks, um,” She looked at the stranger. 

“Max.” They said. Connie nodded mutely; her voice struck in her throat. She slowly approached Steven again, placing the guitar across her chest, she began to strum out the loose, rough tune of their Jam Buds song. 

“Peach or plum or strawberry, any kind is fine you see. Come on and share this jam with me,” Connie’s voice continued to crack, but she plowed onwards. Greg stepped forward, a hand on her shoulder, Pearl’s hand on the other. 

“I’ll do my best to give this jam the sweetness it deserves,” Connie looked at Steven pointedly and said plainly, “That you deserve.” Steven’s eyes were following her now, his head lifted- up as much as he could muster. 

“And I’ll keep it fresh, I’m jamming on these tasty preserves….” Connie’s singing trailed off as she squeezed her eyes shut. Her fingers stalled on the strings. “Ingredients in harmony.” She said, her song petering out as she simply spoke the words. 

“We mix together perfectly,” Her eyes snapped open at the sound of the new voice joining the song as her voice faltered. The beast had inched forward, human skin slowly replacing the magenta scales and the body shrinking as he walked forward. 

“Come on.” She sang as he drew closer. 

“And share,” He sang back, his dark brown eyes now stared back at her. 

“This jam with me.” She said quietly and then dropped the guitar and flung her arms around her best friend. He winced as she pressed against the wound on his chest, but he smiled and brought his arms around her. 

Greg looked over at Max as they picked up the guitar, seemingly unfazed by the abrupt change in events and he gave them a grateful smile. He gave the two teens a few minutes before he made his way over. Steven needed medical attention now, but he was safe.


	8. On the Ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Steven's corruption, Steven and Connie have some trauma to work through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All,
> 
> Sorry for the long delay in updating "Someday". I had college classes and also some writer's block with this fic. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do with the next few chapters as I wrap up this fic. I'm not sure exactly how many more chapters there will be, but it's almost done. As I've mentioned in past notes, there will be a sequel and I already have some material written for that. Good news is I am on break for the Summer so I'll have time in between my other art and writing projects to work on Someday and the sequel. Also "Albatross" is next on my list to update for those of you who like She-Ra. 
> 
> If you're interested in any of my projects as either a beta reader or to bounce ideas, let me know. After I post this I'm going to set up a Discord for my WIPS for anyone who wants to help out. Also, if you want to make fan art, I want to see it! You can put it in the discord after I set it up. I will also gladly post links to your Tumblr or Instagram so everyone can follow you. (As a fellow visual artist/writer I want to lift up my fellow artists). If you've already given me your Discord ID I will add you as soon as it's up. 
> 
> Sorry if this chapter is a little short. I promise more is coming soon. 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and support as well as your patience. 
> 
> Stay safe and healthy. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Steven’s second stay at the hospital was shorter than the first. Priyanka came out quickly after the rescue group brought him in to update everyone on his condition. 

“The bullet only grazed the top layer of skin, so he’s lucky it’s not more serious.” Dr. Maheswaran explained. “He has some cuts in his skin from ripping out the IV, but we managed to control the bleeding in time.” As her mother spoke, Connie continued to wait with bated breath for some kind of “but” or for her mother to add that Steven was having some other kind of issue. Given the nature of the situation, Connie was conditioned for there to always be something wrong. 

“And?” Connie pressed. Priyanka had stopped talking at this point. She paused at the expectant look on her daughter’s face. There was apprehension, pain, and anxiety written all over the young woman’s features. She looked exhausted. 

“He’ll need to stay for monitoring, but I expect he’ll heal with proper rest.” Dr. Maheswaran finished. Connie still looked unconvinced. 

“Is that it?” She pressed. “There’s really nothing else?” Priyanka understood now. Connie had been through the wringer with the car accident, Steven turning into some kind of gem creature, and who knew what other adventures she’d gone through before. Connie had only just begun to disclose some of the gem stories after Steven’s last checkup. After Steven’s outburst of “You haven’t told them?!” They had a lengthy conversation about trust and lying following that incident. Priyanka had assumed that Connie had stopped lying after they agreed to share everything at the hospital. But between Steven’s pink power outburst, Connie’s constant anxious questions, and her motherly instincts telling her that the two teens were hiding a big source of trauma, it became clear that she had to step in. 

“Connie, is there something you’d like to tell me?” Priyanka asked. Connie dropped her hands. She hadn’t realized they’d been clenched up near her face. 

“What?” Connie said, blinking. Priyanka sighed. “No, I’m just worried about Steven.” She said, waving her hands in dismissal. Her mother frowned dubiously. The younger woman was now smiling too much for it to be normal. Now wasn’t the time. But Dr. Maheswaran made a mental note to ask Connie later. 

“Well, Steven will be fine,” Priyanka said. The boy clearly needed counseling and a consistent General Practitioner, but those things could be arranged upon discharge. Under the circumstances, Priyanka wanted to continue to see Steven herself until he could make other arrangements. It seemed unlikely that any other doctors would understand his hybrid condition. Connie on the other hand, seemed to know about more than she was disclosing about Steven’s current state. “Connie, it’s okay if you’re not feeling up to dealing with this.” 

The younger woman blinked. “What? I’m fine.” Priyanka stared blankly at her daughter at those words. 

“I may not understand everything that’s going on with Steven,” Priyanka said flatly, “But I do know when you’re keeping things from me.” She sighed. Once more she had to remind herself that now wasn’t the right time to ask Connie to open-up. There was too much going on for her to even focus on her own feelings. That worried Priyanka. Especially when the clear disregard of emotions appeared to be the catalyst for Steven’s breakdown. The doctor wanted to avoid Connie following a similar path to emotional burn out. Connie was a bright girl, sharp, and responsible. But she was a teenager. As a doctor, Priyanka knew that teenagers were more vulnerable to emotional distress on account of their brains still developing. Steven’s extreme developments were some form of gem puberty. She knew that gems didn’t age, so naturally, the result of a static being like a gem, and a dynamic changing being like a human combining was chaos. 

“I’m…” Connie started. She avoided looking at her mother. Deep down she hated having to lie or to avoid talking about what she and Steven had been through. But it was _years_ of experiences that broke all the promises she’d made to her mother about her missions being safe. The image of her facing the towering form of White Diamond and screaming for the towering tyrant to release Steven filled the younger Maheswaran’s mind. How do you tell your mother, someone who cares more about your life than her own, that a matriarch that still interacts with Steven, tried to kill them all? This wasn’t a confession about staying out late or sneaking donuts when trans fats were banned from Connie’s diet. Steven was _dying._ Connie had to carry him, not knowing if he was going to survive having his gem ripped out and then try to be okay when she came home. She had to be okay for Steven’s sake. To be sure that everything would be fine. But he wasn’t okay. He hadn’t been fine. _Oh._

The truth dropped into her stomach and she felt sick. This whole time she’d been pretending that she hadn’t been scared out of her wits by White Diamond’s attempted murder. Because that’s exactly what it was. Connie sucked in her breath through her nostrils. Her mother’s eyes were combing the younger woman with thinly concealed worry. Before talking to her mother, Connie knew she and Steven needed to have a longer conversation about what happened in White’s head. Both needed similar help. That much Connie knew now. 

“We went through a lot,” Connie said finally. “Some of it, I don’t know if I can explain to you right now. Maybe for the same reasons Steven can’t talk about it.” She rubbed her arm. This was probably the most she was going to talk to her mother about any of it. Priyanka loved Connie and that love meant that she’d want Connie to be as far away from sources of distress as possible. Connie couldn’t remove herself from interacting with the Diamonds because that meant Steven had to be alone. The gems wouldn’t readily go with him to the meetings on Homeworld. This corruption incident was the first time Garnet had gone to Homeworld since White’s head. 

It was all kinds of wrong, and if Connie were honest, she’d call the gems immature for not wanting to do all the things Steven had as a seventeen year who was mentally falling apart. “I’m not happy that you don’t think you can tell me these things.” Priyanka said slowly. “But I won’t stop trying to take care of you. You’re my daughter and you’re still a teenager. As such,” The doctor paused, “I want you to start going to counseling. If you can’t tell me what happened, I want you to at least have someone else you can talk to.” 

Connie opened her mouth to argue, but then let her mouth slid shut as her shoulders sagged. As much as Connie wanted to continue to deal with her emotions on her own, she knew it wasn’t healthy. She was a practical person first and foremost, and the logic of getting help won out in her mind. 

“Okay, I’ll go.” Connie said with a sigh. Priyanka nodded, seeming pleased with the outcome of their conversation for the moment. There would be time to discuss everything else later. For now, everyone needed rest. 

\----------------------------------- 

Steven left the hospital as soon as he filled out the discharge papers. He was glad that Priyanka wasn’t on duty when he left as he didn’t want to talk to anyone on his way out. As nice as it had been to see his gem family, his Dad, and Connie as he recovered, it was a huge relief to be outside away from everyone else. 

Lion met him outside and Steven let his face rest on the feline’s fur. “Lion,” The tears flowed freely as he leaned in. 

Shortly after he was admitted the second time, Garnet showed up with the Diamonds. Steven didn’t want to see any of them, but his gem needed healing. They had managed return it to normal, but there would always be a small scar of sorts on the surface. Steven had barely made eye contact while they used their powers. He felt his pink powers swelling at the sight of White. Every part of him wanted to blast her. The feeling of disgust and white-hot fury turned his stomach. It was righteous anger, but it wasn’t a pleasant or familiar emotion. He hated that she could make him feel so disconnected from his own body. 

After all this time she still controlled how he felt. Steven climbed onto Lion’s back. The pink cat growled. Usually Lion would take Steven somewhere based on where the cat thought they needed to be. But now Lion was waiting for Steven’s decision, as if the pink lion sensed his companion’s conflicted emotions. Lion was generally more perceptive than most people Steven knew. 

The anger wasn’t ebbing after weeks of recovery. Steven didn’t know what to do with it. He couldn’t look himself in the mirror now that he had the blood of a person on his hands. He looked down at his fingers, clenching and unclenching them. None of the gems could understand how angry he felt. Connie understood his fears, but she wasn’t a vengeful type. Steven didn’t think he was either until he lashed out. 

Steven Universe was a hero. Only heroes didn’t hurt people. Heroes helped people. Logically, he stopped being a hero the moment he hurt someone. Hadn’t he been hurting gems this whole time? He’d failed to heal Jasper before she corrupted, he’d been forced to throw Eyeball into space when she tried to stab him, and so many others Steven hadn’t been able to help. Before he’d felt like he’d put those memories to rest. But maybe he’d just been ignoring them. How they’d truly brought him to his absolute worst. _Or maybe I’m the worst._

Lion huffed and growled again, jarring the teen from his reverie. Steven stroked the pink cat’s mane. “Yeah, I think I know who I need to talk to.” The cat roared a portal to life, and they leapt through. 

When it reopened, Steven looked around. His eyes fell on the gem he was looking for. She sat on the edge of the cliff. The same one that Ruby had disappeared to when she found out that Rose had lied about her identity. It seemed to be a popular spot for thinking. The sound of the portal bursting turned the tall blue gem’s head around. “Steven!” He felt a small smile, a first in a while cross his face. It didn’t last, but he kept it on long enough for Lapis to see it as she came to meet him. Lion flopped over in the grass behind him. 

“Are you doing better?” She asked hesitantly. He could tell she was trying to check on him in her own way. It was hard to know what to ask or say in situations like this. A shaky laugh left his lips and he shook his head. “Sorry, it’s not a great question.” 

“I don’t even know what better means anymore,” He admitted. Lapis’ eyes narrowed as she stared at him. Then she waved her hand to call him over to sit on the ledge. They sat, their legs dangling over the shore below. The occasional crashing of the waves as they collided with the rocks below filled the silence. 

Everything had been moving fast lately. One second he was fighting gem monsters, then he was facing off with the Diamonds, then the Diamonds were changing everything on Homeworld, and now gems were living on Earth, integrated into Beach City. Steven had been dropped into the middle of life as a Crystal gem and now he felt like he’d had the rug of purpose yanked out from underneath him. There was a rugburn sting to how hard he’d fallen when he felt like he didn’t know how to make sense of there being nothing left for him to fix. The gems had trained him to be a problem solver. Each mission was to help gems as best they could until they could be properly healed. Now all the bubbles were gone. Everyone had been let out, healed, and was living their best lives. 

“What made you come back here?” Steven asked finally. Lapis tilted her head to look at him curiously. “You wanted to leave here so many times, why’d you come back?” 

Lapis blew a long sigh. “It wasn’t easy. Everything here on Earth was too much to deal with. Especially after trapping Jasper as Malachite. I wanted to just forget this whole place.” She closed her eyes, a bracing pause before she continued. “I used so much power just to get back at Jasper. Sometimes I still want to.” 

Steven cocked his head to the side and pulled one knee up to lean against it. “What stopped you?” 

She started to shrug and then wrung her hands instead. “I guess when you showed me that the Earth could change, I thought for a while maybe I could too.” A cool laugh emitted from her then. Steven’s eyes flicked to her. It was hard to say what was going through her mind now. As far as Steven knew, Lapis had made peace with most of her past. She’d become an important piece of Little Homeschool. She’d even helped Steven with talking down some other Lapis Lazuli gems from terraforming the Earth. “I thought I could ignore the fact that I had power or that anyone else did. When you found me on the Moon, I realized the Diamonds didn’t stop existing just because I’d decided to stay on Earth.” 

Steven nodded slowly. A light breeze pushed some of his curls into his face. He brushed it back. It had grown out considerably in the weeks he’d spent in the hospital. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to cut it or not. There was a part of him that didn’t think that he could look at himself with the same short cut he’d had as a kid. He wasn’t one anymore. 

“I decided that I had to use my power to fight back. It was the least I could do to make up for everything else I’d done,” Lapis continued. Steven drew his other knee up and wrapped both arms around them. He wasn’t cold. At least not physically. But he shivered a little at Lapis’s words. 

“It’s like my powers are bad no matter what I do with it now,” Steven said absently. Lapis nodded, knowing exactly where Steven’s mind was now. She’d been there hundreds of times at this point. On Homeworld her purpose would have been to break down and prepare, or more accurately, destroy, planets for the Diamonds to build their colonies. None of the original pieces of the planets that made them what they were, survived. Earth was the one planet that didn’t cave to the whims of the invading gem forces. Rose Quartz had made that possible, even if her intentions were murky and inherently selfish. 

“Power is… complicated,” Lapis said carefully. “It’s a vague description. But it took me a while to realize it, but I know now that power is why the Diamonds ended up so destructive and horrible. I was the same way when I let myself just unleash rage on anyone who reminded me of the past.” She met Steven’s eyes then. “When you use your powers to scare anyone into following you, it leaves bad memories. For everyone.” 

He looked down at his feet. “Mom did that. Everyone knew she had this uncontrollable rage inside her and didn’t do anything about it.” His fists gripped the loose ends of his jeans, turning his knuckles white. “I need to deal with it because she _didn’t_.” He slammed his fist into the ground, leaving a dent as he drew it back. A hiss type breath sucked back through his teeth. “Lapis, how did you deal with it?” 

She watched him for a moment. He was shaking as he tried to calm the slight presence of pink that was threatening to creep into his skin. “I didn’t for a long time. You know I ignored the Ocean for a long time. I yelled at Peri for trying to talk about it.” Steven grimaced at the memory. Peridot herself was as complex a gem as they came. Like many of the Crystal Gems, she’d had to move past her education as a Homeworld gem in order to begin to enjoy her time on Earth. It was hard to be a gem and an Earthling, but somehow Lapis and Peridot had made it work eventually. 

“I avoided water…but,” Lapis paused, leaning on her hand. “I couldn’t stop being connected to the water anymore than I could remove my own gem. I had to travel a lot and see the world outside of the Ocean to be okay with coming back to it.” She traced her fingers over the grass. “It took a long time to not feel like this wasn’t just a prison to me. I had to figure out what the Earth meant to me.” 

“The memories are still there,” Steven put in. Lapis nodded and patted his hair the way she had when he was younger. It felt nice to have that weight there, keeping him warm and steady. 

“I don’t want to remember,” Steven said. “I wish I could forget. But I know I can’t.” They exchanged looks and nothing more needed to be said. A mutual understanding flowed between them like the breeze. It had taken every ounce of strength Lapis had to hold Jasper down under the weight of the Ocean. But it took far more to for her to come back from the desire to exact revenge on the gems she held responsible for her suffering. 

“Look, what you did… or what the corrupted version of you did,” Lapis corrected as she spoke. “Doesn’t make you a bad person, Steven. And I know what a bad gem or person looks like.” She gently mussed his hair. 

“Thanks, Lapis,” Steven said and leaned against her shoulder. They stayed up there, watching as the sun faded, hidden by the crashing waves of the Ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	9. Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Steven talk about what happened. Steven has to consider where he wants to go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All,
> 
> Thank you for your patience with this chapter. I had a little writer's block with it and then it took me a bit to get the revisions sorted out. I'm going to link my discord here for in progress stuff and chapters as I load them so people can leave direct feedback before I post. My general discord also has a chat for She-Ra fics as well for when I post those. If you want that link, comment and I'll send you an invite. I appreciate feedback in any capacity so thank you to everyone who has commented. 
> 
> Discord Link for SU: https://discord.gg/bucKtNW
> 
> I'm almost done with the latest chapter of Albatross as well, so if you're following that, it'll be up in the next few days. 
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support and kudos. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Connie had stopped by the hospital during her study break to find that Steven had already checked out. No one seemed to know exactly where he’d gone after leaving, only that some of the staff were whispering about the giant pink lion that kept showing up wherever the curly haired boy went. A long sigh escaped her lips. That narrowed things down to pretty much anywhere in the known universe, and the unknown universe considering this was Lion, the interdimensional undead lion. It was still bizarre to Connie that his name was both, well, his name and a direct description. Steven wasn’t the best at naming things. He tended to be literal and straight forward, which was charming, if not eye roll worthy. But it was one of the many things she found refreshing about him. He didn’t need things to be complicated or gaudy to enjoy them. Steven liked fry bits and hot cocoa with marshmallows. But if you asked him to, he’d try anything new. That’s who he was. Always ready to be whoever you needed him to be. 

Except for whom _he_ needs, Connie thought with a frown. She started walking away from the hospital, trying to figure out where Steven was. He’d been through an incredible amount of stress; she didn’t blame him for wanting to get away. She chewed on her lip. Only she wished she knew where he was, if not just so she could feel better knowing he was safe. Maybe he didn’t want to talk to her. The idea worried her. But it wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about it. Steven’s behaviors of late had clued her into a much deeper issue. He was scared. Steven didn’t scare easily. He’d fought gem monsters, gem mutants, faced the Diamonds, and fought Spinel. Or maybe she just missed how terrified he was underneath that signature Steven Universe smile and charm. Her mother had said that during her examination he’d revealed more instances of trauma than even Connie knew of. 

She immediately thought of Lion. The cat had become attuned to her needs as much as Steven’s over the years. So, she hoped he would be able to locate Steven. A loud bang announced the cat’s arrival, the portal blowing some trash around that had been left on the floor of the hospital’s parking lot. Her phone buzzed, informing her that her break was over. She looked down at it, the alert blinking at her, staring her down. She reached up to brush Lion’s mane, scratching him gently behind the ear, where he liked it best. The large cat purred and nuzzled her hand. As if that was the nudge she needed, she clicked off the notification and turned off the timer. She swung her legs over the lion’s back. It was far easier to climb up than when she was a kid. Things constantly shifted in perspective for her as the years had slipped by. Once she had believed that nothing could be more important than studying and being a good daughter. 

Lion chuffed and let out a low growl. “Right. Let’s go.” Connie said. All she knew now was that she was so very wrong. A boy in a red shirt with a smile that had saved the world as she knew it had proven that. One day she hoped she could save his in return. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Steven had lost track of time as he sat atop the cliff with Lapis. The two had exchanged very few words since their talk. Occasionally they would muse about something that Peridot had done recently or talk about how terrible the latest Camp Pining Hearts was. Peridot had finally shown Lapis the remake. Needless to say, both the remake and showing it Lapis were both a monumental mistake. The blue gem had promptly thrown the TV into the Ocean within a minute of viewing the horrible animation. Steven wondered just how many TVs had been destroyed by the gems over the years as he thought about the black box sinking beneath the surface. 

“Peridot had me pull the TV out of the Ocean, it’s our latest morp.” Lapis was explaining, “She called it _Pining Trash_. I would have just called it trash.” Steven chuckled. He was so immersed in what Lapis had been saying that he didn’t hear the air shifting as a portal exploded behind them. It was only when Lapis turned her head that she said something about the arrival of both Lion and Connie. 

“What is she doing here?” Lapis said. 

“What is who… doing….” Steven trailed off as he turned to see what Lapis was talking about. “Connie.” The warrior girl smiled at him. He was clearly engrossed in whatever he’d been discussing with Lapis. It was a relief to see he hadn’t been alone this whole time. 

“I just wanted to check on you. Didn’t mean to interrupt.” Connie said in a rushed explanation. Steven’s expression quickly switched from wide eyed surprise to a quiet smile. It wasn’t nearly as full a smile as he usually favored Connie with, but his eyes regarded her with a warmth that she knew meant he was glad to see her. Lapis stood up. 

“Well, I should be getting back. Peridot wanted me to help with some new lesson plans.” The Blue Gem said with a nod to Connie before putting a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Take care, Steven.” She took off, leaving Steven to focus all his attention on his best friend. 

“I’m so-” Steven began. Connie crossed the grass to grasp his hands, shaking her head. 

“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Connie started at the tears already trickling down his face. She reached into her pocket and produced a portable packet of tissues. She gently dabbed at his eyes and then rested her hands on his cheeks. He sniffed and then blinked as his stomach grumbled its displeasure. Connie looked down and then back up at her friend’s face as he blushed a little. 

“Uh, heh, I guess I haven’t eaten in a while.” Steven said, rubbing the back of his neck. Connie sighed. Of course he hadn’t. Eating was probably the last thing on his mind. She was glad that she thought to check on him. Pearl, Amethyst, and Garnet would have known to remind Steven to eat, but it didn’t even occur to Lapis that the teenager needed sustenance at some point. Connie didn’t hold it against the blue gem. Lapis cared in her own strange way about Steven. An urge rose in Connie to ask when the last time Steven _had_ eaten was. But she immediately nixed the question at the sight of Steven’s uncertain expression. 

“Are you up for going to Fish Stew?” Connie asked. Steven shifted from foot to foot, rubbing his arm as he licked his lips. A million thoughts thundered through his head like a herd of wild animals, but he couldn’t wrangle one. “It’s okay if you’re not.” She tried to catch his eyes. 

“I…I don’t know if I want to go there just yet.” Steven said finally, slumping a little. Connie’s mind clicked in full understanding. The last time he’d been in town he had been a giant corrupted gem creature. No one knew it was him, but that didn’t change how Steven viewed himself. 

Connie thought for a moment. “I can grab us some pizza and come back. Are you going to be okay here?” Steven watched her eyes. They were full of concern, care, and he hated the fear that he also saw behind the other emotions. He’d scared everyone. Why she stayed with him after everything he’d put her through, he’d never know. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Steven fixed a smile on his face. It was thin and Connie saw right through it to the hesitation flitting behind the mask. There were a lot of people he could fool into thinking, however briefly, that he was okay, but Connie was not one of them. She didn’t comment on his unconvincing choice of words out loud, but she didn’t need to. Steven felt it in the tight hug she gave him. It was warm, safe, and the scent on her clothes reminded Steven of cinnamon. He loved how sweet she smelled and felt when he was in her arms or she in his. Everything in the scent was either sweet or well grounded, Earthy, and human. No matter where he was, when he was near her, he felt like the shifting and shaking of his powers that kept knocking him around, couldn’t reach him. He wasn’t sure when it had started, but at some point he had begun to think of Connie as _his_ shield. 

He took a deep breath, her presence steadying the racing of his mind and heart. “Thanks, Connie.” 

She felt her skin tingle as his breath washed over the side of her neck. For a moment she’d forgotten how much taller he’d grown and was still growing. Even with his head buried in her shoulder or as close as he could get, his head was still far above hers. Still, between the softness of his hands, stomach, and the comfort she felt with his arms around her, he would forever be her best friend, the sweetest boy in the universe. 

“I’ll be back soon.” Connie said, reluctantly pulling back. “Mushroom, right?” Steven grinned, this time genuinely and nodded. She stepped back and went to go get Lion who was rolling around on the grass. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Connie entered the Fish Stew Pizza to the sound of Kiki and Jenny discussing something energetically. Jenny was describing her latest escapade with Buck and Sour Cream. From the description of the event it seemed like they’d attended a big concert on the outskirts of Beach City. 

“And then I saw the news on someone’s phone. Some big monster attacked the city.” Jenny was saying. Connie froze in her tracks by the door. 

“What?” Kiki said, blowing a disbelieving raspberry into the air. “No way. That video must’ve been edited or something.” 

“No, it was real.” Jenny insisted. Connie slowly drew her arms around herself. They couldn’t be talking about what she thought they were. Not in such a disconnected and cold way. Her eyes bore into the two women as they continued their conversation, unaware that Connie was watching them. “Like, I got back thinking there was no way it was true. I’ve seen some great movies lately and that monster didn’t look real enough. But then I talked to Peedee and some of the other people on the Boardwalk who had been there. They all said they saw that thing trashing the whole town!” 

“That’s unbelievable.” Kiki said with a shake of her head. Then she noticed Connie, who was beginning to vibrate, her fists clenched so tight she almost dug her nails into the skin of her palms. “Whoa, hey, Connie. I didn’t see you there. I can take your order…” Kiki paused, seeing how quiet and shaky the younger girl was. “Are you okay?” 

Connie’s arm came up to wipe the tears she only now realized had begun to fall. How could they talk about Steven like that? She knew that they didn’t realize it was him, but still it broke her heart. There were so many things wrong with how lightly they’d taken it. Like he was some cheesy monster villain in a movie. Didn’t they know how much Steven had done for Beach City? Suddenly the gnawing hunger in her gut dissipated. All that was left was a cold dissonant ache. 

“Yeah.” Connie murmured. “Can I get a mushroom pizza please?” Kiki continued to look concerned but switched to professional mode as she rung up Connie’s order. 

“Sure thing. For here or to go?” Kiki asked. Connie robotically responded to all the questions. When the pizza was finally ready, she wordlessly left with the slightly smaller pizza. She’d planned on getting one large enough for both Steven and she but standing there listening to the two Pizza girls had left Connie without an appetite. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

By the time Connie had returned to Brooding Hill, as Jenny had once called it, she was so in her own head that she didn’t even hear Steven talking to her for a few minutes. 

“Connie?” Her eyes went up to meet his. “Oh, Geez, what happened?” He was at her side in a second. She blinked, unsure of what had caused him to look so panicked. Then he was dabbing at her eyes and she realized she’d started crying. Connie sniffed and shook her head. 

“It’s nothing.” She said, smiling weakly. Steven’s eyes narrowed in clear rejection of her claim. If he wasn’t allowed to keep anything secret, neither was she. 

“Connie, talk to me.” Steven said. He brought his hand up to brush the remaining tears away. She caught his soft fingers and pressed them against her cheek. Steven stared, somewhat surprised by the gesture. It wasn’t unusual for either of them to be affectionate. But this seemed to be about something else. What, Steven didn’t know. He just saw how rattled Connie was and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into one of his signature warm hugs. Just as she had been there for him earlier, he would be there for her. 

“Sorry.” She said, murmuring into his shirt. Unsure of what to do, but determined to something, Steven’s hand began to move in gentle circles around the small of Connie’s back. 

“Did something happen?” Steven asked. He felt her head move from side to side in a negative gesture. “Did someone say something to you?” There was a pause. He pulled back slightly to look at her. “Was someone mean to you?” 

Connie couldn’t help but laugh at the protective tone in his voice. It was a very Steven thing to do. He would move mountains and place himself in between Connie and any danger no matter how risky to ensure she was safe. He shielded her from everything from gem monsters to paper cuts. It was hard to not smile at the way he seemed to want to envelop her in his ever-growing body, blocking out anyone who would dare take the sunshine smile of the girl he loved away. 

Connie bit her lip. She didn’t want to tell him. He didn’t deserve the words that people were saying about him. None of it reflected who he was. “It wasn’t about me.” Steven’s protective gaze quickly moved to confusion as he processed the subtext. After a minute he licked his lips, his shoulders sagging a little. 

“Oh.” It was the worst word in Connie’s ears. It held all the fears, the blame, and confirmed all the impressions she could imagine him thinking of himself. All of it was so wrong. But Steven, being Steven, he took responsibility for everything. 

“What did they say?” Steven asked as he turned around, not willing to look at his best friend then. She didn’t want to tell him. Everything about the conversation between Kiki and Jenny was messed up. Neither of them knew what had happened in the hospital. They hadn’t seen what the guard had done to Steven. 

“Are you sure you want to know?” Connie ventured. _Please say no_ , every part of her pleaded for him to change his mind, to say that he didn’t want to know. Connie hated that she had to listen to it. If Steven knew, she wasn’t sure he would ever come back from it. 

“No.” Steven breathed. “But I need to. I was that thing. I am that thing.” Connie was shaking her head fervently with every word that came out of his mouth. She stepped over the pizza box on the ground and wrapped her arms around her best friend’s stiffened body. He was facing away but he didn’t try to break from her embrace. 

“Did they see what I did?” Steven asked. Connie sighed. Of course she had to tell him something or he’d never let it go. 

“No, just a video.” Connie said. She was determined to give him as little information as possible. The more he knew, the more he’d blame himself. She felt him tense. 

“So everyone saw…” She could feel him pulling away. Her arms strained against his weight. He wasn’t trying hard to break free, but she knew as well as he did that if he wanted to, he could break her hold. 

His mind wandered. It landed on the conversation he’d had with Max while Steven was still recovering in the hospital. It was the night of the guard’s funeral and the town was in attendance. Steven been avoiding looking at the hospital staff. They may not have known the whole story, but he knew that they had heard he was that monster responsible for the guard’s death. 

\------------------------------------------------------------- 

> _“Tough Night?” Max had asked._
> 
> _“Every night feels tough.” Steven laughed humorlessly and replied with a wry smile. There was a moment of silence as the teenager waited for an argument. For some kind of objection to how he was feeling. Everyone else had an opinion on how he was supposed to feel. So, he waited for a statement from Max on how Steven’s feelings weren’t valid or true in some way. Max closed their eyes and smiled with a pained expression._
> 
> _“You don’t want them to look at you.” Max stated. Steven stared for a moment, surprised at the truth in Max’s words. Then the teen nodded mutely._
> 
> _“How did you know?” Steven asked._
> 
> _Max closed their eyes. “You feel like your humanity is gone because you hurt someone. Because part of you isn’t human.” They gestured to Steven’s gem. His hand instinctively went to where the rough scar-like lines where the cracks used to be were. Max lifted their left leg, so it was propped against the bed and gestured to it._
> 
> _“Tap it.” Max invited. Steven hesitated but when the other nodded with a smile, the teen ran his hand along the fabric and was surprised when the fabric caved instead of following where the thigh should have transitioned into the knee. A cold hard surface met his fingertips. Max then pulled back the pant leg to reveal a prosthetic limb. Steven pulled back with a pang of what he was afraid was pity. He hated it instantly. After all, he knew how much he hated the pity he’d seen from his friends, family, and others lately._
> 
> _“Don’t feel bad. I don’t.” Max said with a smile. “Not anymore.” Steven felt his guilt ease somewhat. He was curious about the leg, but he didn’t want to pry. Even with Max’s candid openness, Steven still wanted to respect Max’s privacy._
> 
> _“I had cancer as a child. I don’t remember most of the early years, but it spread, and the doctors couldn’t save the leg” They let out a sigh. “It took me a while to feel normal. I had no idea what that looked like. No one else had been through the things I had._
> 
> _“But after a while I realized , even if I couldn’t find someone exactly like me, there were others willing to listen. And accept that this is **my** reality. My normal.” Steven leaned back into the pillows. A weight had begun to lift from his chest._
> 
> _My whole life I’ve been told that I’m the only one like me. That I’m so unique and kinda strange that no one really knows what I am. It made me feel special as a kid. But after a while it felt…”_
> 
> _“Isolating?” Max filled in when Steven went quiet. He nodded._
> 
> _“Yeah. I hate it.” Steven’s eyes stung and he sniffed, taking a tissue to blow his nose. Once again, he received no arguments or dictations on his emotions. “I hate that I hate it.”_
> 
> _“Does it feel better to say it?” Max asked._
> 
> _Steven breathed a hefty sigh and found his body had relaxed a little. It wasn’t a huge change, but it felt lighter than before._
> 
> _“Kind of. I guess I just wish I could feel okay about it.” Steven admitted. “But part of me wonders if I deserve it?” He shook his head and buried his face in his hands._
> 
> _“And you don’t because you hurt someone.” Max said. Steven’s eyes welled up again._
> 
> _“I can’t… forgive myself.”_
> 
> _“And that’s a natural part of grieving.” Max said. Steven looked up in surprise. “I work with clients who are war vets. Many have said the same things as you. Their experiences, their trauma, and the things they had to do weren’t things an average civilian who hadn’t lived through a war could understand.”_
> 
> _“Your trauma, Steven, is the same. You can’t explain to everyone that your mind constantly feels like it’s under attack to someone who hasn’t lived through combat. And you’ve been doing this for years. That kind of trauma will take time to process and learn coping skills for.”_
> 
> _Steven looked up, a sliver of hope creeping into his voice for the first time in a while. “How do I do that?”_
> 
> _Max smiled. “You start small. Talk about what you’re feeling and why. Then, once you understand all the feelings and memories, you can figure out how to cope with those memories and emotions as they resurface.”_
> 
> _Steven gripped the top blanket on the bed. “Does it ever go away?” Max shook their head with a sympathetic smile._
> 
> _“No. But it does get easier. “You learn to be okay with your trauma and how it makes you feel. You can control it rather than it controlling you.”_
> 
> _Steven’s eyes flicked to his hands and then to his gem. “That sounds… nice.”_
> 
> _Max nodded. “Steven, I’m not going to push you because this has to be your choice if it’s going to work, But, if you want to try it, I can offer you some trial therapy sessions at my clinic.” Steven blinked and then shifted uncertainly._
> 
> _“Oh, uh, I don’t know.” He replied. “Is it far from here?” Max pulled out a pamphlet and handed it to Steven._
> 
> _“You’d have to leave Beach City. But it’s on a University campus and you could attend the music program there as well. Greg tells me you’re very skill at writing music.”_
> 
> _The teen’s face flushed. “I’m alright.” Max simply nodded._
> 
> _“No pressure.” They reiterated. “If you do decide to come, you might want to look at this as well.” The therapist handed Steven another pamphlet, this one advertising the university’s campus. Steven stared down at it. He’d never been outside of Beach City._

Understanding flitted across Connie’s face as she relinquished her hold on Steven. He wasn’t here. Not truly. He hadn’t felt at home here in Beach City in a long time. When was the last time he’d felt connected to the changing city around him? She couldn’t know. Only Steven knew and he’d never admit to feeling disconnected. Or maybe he hadn’t realized how far away he was. 

“You’re leaving.” Connie stated. Steven turned abruptly to face her. His eyes widened. 

“I-no. I don’t _want_ to.” Steven insisted. His eyes flicked to the view of the city. Connie sighed. 

“But you _do_.” She rebuked flatly. When Steven flinched a little at her tone, she softened and stepped over to him, taking one of his hands. “Steven, when was the last time you enjoyed something in Beach City?” 

He opened his mouth and then shut it. “I guess the roller rink was the first time in a while.” That explained why he felt so different to her when they’d fused into Stevonnie. He was so happy to the point where he felt like he was cracking. It was a surface joy because beneath the euphoria was the pain of feeling left behind. Something weighed on him. Now Connie knew what had been on his mind. 

“You’d miss the gems, your dad, your family, they’d all be here. But you don’t need to stay if you need to leave.” His fingers clenched and unclenched over the fabric of his jeans. 

“I don’t even know where I’d go. I guess I could go to Max’s university, but I don’t know if I deserve to.” His eyes went to the grass. Connie’s eyes narrowed. 

“Steven, of course you do. Everyone deserves to heal.” Her voice betrayed the pain in her heart. 

“No really, Connie.” Steven looked at her. “Maybe if I’d brought the guard I killed back to life…when I was… that…thing.,” he swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut at the memory, suppressing it. “But he’s dead. Because of me.” 

Connie watched him. She wanted to tell him it was okay. That it didn’t matter. But to Steven, the boy who didn’t want to even hurt the tiniest insects or to defend himself against the gems who wanted to kill him, this was the worst kind of sin. 

“Being here hurts.” He said quietly. The truth was sobering, but it was there, nonetheless. 

“You had the right to defend yourself, Steven,” Connie said. “I saw what happened. That guard was trying to kill you.” 

“So that makes what I did right?” Steven demanded. Connie paused. This wasn’t something she could just write off as “okay.” 

“Maybe I’m not the one you should talk to about this.” She said with a sigh. “But I will tell you as many times as it takes for you to hear me that as much as that guard deserved to live, so do you.” She took a deep breath. “I’m glad you’re still here.” 

Steven’s mouth felt dry but as his eyes met Connie’s, he felt his body relax. “I’m glad you’re here with me.” The two then settled on the grass and tried to eat the now cold pizza. It wasn’t as good as it was warm, but it gave the two teens a brief sense of normalcy. Just two best friends’ hands intertwined as they enjoyed each other’s presence. Everything was rough, but they still had each other and they were both still here. For now, that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
